Wednesday, February 28, 2007

ragged breath,
moonlight on my palms,
blood tears on my stained cheeks,
wet hair dripping down my back.

my mind whirling,
my heart ablaze,
my voice a whisper,
my eyes flutter.

fatigue that kills,
exhaustion lethal,
sadness that burns,
a long peaceful sleep.

i fall,
and drift to the unknown,
wash my sadness away,
unbearable pain be gone.

the memory lasts,
your words they pierce,
i will be scarred,
and you don't care.

blood tears they flow,
they will not stop,
the sadness remains,
as blood tears flow.

it is you alone,
yet you alone did this,
why?




Tuesday, February 27, 2007

blood tears fall,
with raindrops they mix,
slide down my face.

sorrow that scars,
scar my heart,
the pain everlasting.

your footsteps fade,
and my heart aches,
i call your name,

still there is only,
the soft patter of raindrops
and blood tears that fall to my feet.

darling, it is you alone






today we had that dance in cirriculum thingy.
its so fun! n cute! way nicer than playing
recorder or singing the school song. haha.
change of mood now. feeling emo.
ugh.




Monday, February 26, 2007

you know what. these are my teachers.
-the maniac-a nice one
-the random one
-the sadist
im serious






i'm feeling strange right now.
what do you do when someone ruins your life,
then seems to want to make it up to you
but doesnt seem sure how he/she is to do it?
den you, the victim, are faced with uncertain
signs and is left to figure it out.
thats exactly what im feeling. weird right?
ugh.
man.
what do i do now.
i need to sort it out.
but how if i'm wrong?
major maluation.
ugh. i guess i'll just leave it for the moment.
until its clearer.
ohhh mann...

i know i can't have you but don't act like i don't exist.
i can't bear the silence, talk to me,please.
i need you.




Sunday, February 25, 2007

you know what.
i just love you guys.




Saturday, February 24, 2007

woah. ytd was COOL.
i was kinda freaked out at first but the ma'ams all so nice.
at about 1.15 i just ended class den wu shuang ma'am
came to get me.so i went to canteen n eat lunch n den
we all walked to queenstown sec. there was 12 of us.
wu shuang ma'am,kelly ma'am,melissa ma'am,
mun ting ma'am,hanisah ma'am,danusha ma'am,
sowjanya ma'am,jesslyn(sp?) ma'am,pearlyn(sp?) ma'am,
jia ying ma'am,cynthia ma'am n me.i felt so small you know.
at queenstown we all chiong change into half-u den fall in at
foyer, den we wait wait wait for bus. so long lor. on the
bus, i sat with mun ting ma'am. n cynthia ma'am sit in front
of us with jia ying ma'am. den she keep asking me if i'm
bored. they all think i'm bored but i wasn't lor. den they say
the journey very long n i can sleep if i want to. so i sleep,
den cynthia ma'am suddenly call me. n ask me if i was alright.
den i was like.'err...ya' den she say that every week one sec3
ma'am must look after me den she can see who can be medic.
i wasn't even sick. haha. den reach alrd. wahhh. the HTA is
SOOOO big.so. im reserve flag bearer right so they tell me
to follow hanisah ma'am cos she's flag bearer.den we take
attendence den take flag pole n the flagsash or sth. the pouch
that you wear to put the flag pole in. den they teach us
sedia n senangdiri with the flag pole n three other commands
which i can't rmb what they're called. haha. den we stand there
so long that after that i couldn't walk properly. den we had
break n they gave us 'rations' which was SO much. the milo taste
funny. i wasn't really hungry. anyway. den it started to rain like
siao. so we went into the tunnel to practice. n got all wet cos we had
to run there n there wasn't shelter. den at 6pm. we were released.
only me,cynthia ma'am,jia ying ma'am,mun ting ma'am n kelly ma'am
were going back to queenstown, the other ma'ams were going back
straight from there. so on the bus back. we sat at the back. n i was
sitting beside cynthia ma'am (haha zh), den dey all say i no need
to be so formal during this kinda thing. n i can talk as much as i want.
cynthia ma'am is crazy. she started singing lor. haha. sec 3 ma'ams
all very nice also. cynthia ma'am say i must tell edlyn ma'am that
she look after me very well. haha. it was fun lor. all the ppl in flag party
SO tall. so freaky lor. especially the guys. i felt like a midget. n im
kinda happy lor. there was this guy that thought i was sec 3 n i couldnt
correct him cos he turned away n he was like ' aiyah. can't be sec 2 lor.
sec 2 sure die one.' i wanted to laugh. too bad lor. i wont die. but its like
everyone around me is either sir or ma'am. haha. scary.no one other
than cgs knows i'm sec 2 . so its alright. haha. i can't wait for next week !




Thursday, February 22, 2007

im in love with this song.
no significance to me but i just like it.

Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
(panic! at the disco)

Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close

So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?
(Let's pick up, pick up)

Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.
I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.
Now let's not get selfish
Did you really think I’d let you kill this chorus?

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster I

've got more win, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat And hold a lover close
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster

oh well. nothing much to blog.
i'm just happy that i'm doing much better in school
this year than last year.
and and. that japan thing, my parents allow me to go !
if i can do the project well enough, im all clear !
omg. SO happy. i really wanna go.
its like. JAPAN. 6 days, 5 nights.
no parents . and ms vicky is chaperoning!
thats even better. she actually made me like english again.
i really wanna go. n hopefully at least one of
the cliquees will be going.
oh man.
gotta work like siao.
i have officially broken my new year's resolution.
well...it lasted 2 months!
ugh. i need dinner




Tuesday, February 20, 2007

CNY is OVER !





Wednesday, February 14, 2007

hey hey !
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY !!
its all about...

lovelove lovelove
lovelovelove lovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelove
lovelovelove
lovelove

and...


thank you thank you
thank you thank thank you thank
thank you thank you thank you thank you
thank you thank you thank you thank you
thank you thank you thank you thank
thank you thank you thank you thank
thank you thank you thank you
thank you thank you thank
thank you thank you
thank you thank
thank you
thank

to all the ppl that brightened up my day
with presents !






nothing to blog.

39 days.

corporal promo-39
p.t.-25
p.p.-31

2093-2106=14




Monday, February 12, 2007

38 days.

i heard that teachers are checking our blogs.
well...i don't bitch about anything in school
so they cant fault me for anything can they?
oh well. i did have quite a bit to blog about
but since its all about school i better not.
n its all good stuff ! but i dont know what
they consider bad. ugh. till im clearer...nth
about school. ugh. makes blogging so boring.
well. i cut my hair on saturday. i know what
you're thinking. 'what? again?' haha. i was
becoming yucky looking. n i bought a new top !
super nice purple one ! yeah. i'm extremely
sleepy.i was just reading back on all my posts
n realised how much i've changed in a year.
i like the change. im more confident, strret-wise?
not the 'cutie-pie' i used to be in pri school.
i think i shall go back to MCS on friday. n ga-jiao
all my old teachers. haha. oh well. what to blog
about? i dunno lah. i'll go now.

corporal promo-40 days
piano theory exam-26 days
piano practical exam-32 days

2065-2093= 30 hits today.




Sunday, February 11, 2007

37 days.

cross country on tuesday!
yours truely is NOT taking part .
yup. damn ankle.
baking cookies for valentine's day presents!
shh...not telling what kind !
you just better be hoping you are one of the
lucky few to have the privilege of getting one!
LOL. jkjk.
quite a few on mine n cas's list anyway.
yeah. we're sharing.
haha.
i guess it'll be a while till i spend valentine's day
with a GUY ! haha.
(andrea if ur lucky, i might give u a kiss)
ugh no way.
if you think im serious uv got no brains whatsoever
anyway.
i just finished a compo with a very strange topic.
well my choice of person isn't very normal anyway.
oh nvm . it just sounds like a bunch of cheem word
cramped tgt.
omg. just read zh nick.
41 days to corporal promo !
omg. looks like i have to do lots of manual day counts.

corporal promo-41 days
piano theory exam-27 days
piano practical exam-33 days

2038-2064=27 hits today.






36 days.

i need sleep.
badly.

2024-2037=13 hits.




Friday, February 09, 2007

35 days.

walking,
welcoming,
wandering,
weeping.

why.
i want an answer.
NOW.

2005-2023=18 hits






my 100th post!!!!!
haha and and and .
this girl here,
me me me,
is OFFICIALLY a
LANCE COPORAL !!!
and , bcos of my ankle,
my parents have forbidden
me to run cross country,
pls do not say:
ever heard of 'be careful of
what you wish for?'
do not say that to me. i know
it too well.

Labels: 34 days...

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

[1]
catapult me to the great unknown,
happy, finally all on my own.
till that happens i'll be stuck here,
yes i know its sad my dear.
the choice isnt mine,
let the chooser be kind.
release me to where i'm meant to be.
all on my own, just me.
[2]
it felt so wrong ,
a nightmare so strong.
it was too nice inside the dream,
but me out here just wanted to scream.
what made that dream seem so real,
understanding it i fail.
a month has passed,
the memory lasts.
oh that dreaded dream.

31 days.a poem to commemorate the
one month anniversary of me being able
to remember and keep up the day count
of a dream for the first time.






i am this close to commiting suicide.




Monday, February 05, 2007

30 days...haais...pointless? no i dont think
so...well anyway...to sum things up...i cant
rmb alot. this will be super short anyway. im
too tired to blog long.
ok. 3 things:
1.crescent np is a GOLD UNIT ! yay.
2.master parade is on thursday !!!!
3.paul twohill was on the 132.

well the third one isnt impt but its just a
cheap thrill. he looks freakingly scary.
i gtg.told u it was short




Saturday, February 03, 2007

28 days.sometimes i dread going to
gramma's hse bcos SOMEONE will have
to make my life miserable. my dad.
interrogating me about wat im doing. not
trusting me, scolding me as we get there
or as we leave. it doesnt matter. it just
hurts. wat parents dont realise is that
everytime they scold us , its the hurt we
feel that makes the greatest impact. they
always say its for our own good. it may be
but wat good can come out of hurt. they
dont know how angry we become, how
sad at the things they say. how harsh
they come across. how much more we
hate them after every scolding, how much
higher our urge to run away becomes.
how we become suicidal. how much they
hurt us. its us thats left there bearing the
weight of their 'comments'. they bear no
hurt, feel nothing from at they said. its us
that bear it all with increasing fury.
sometimes children when grown up cannot
be blamed for leaving their parents alone.
its the hurt they felt that they cannot forgive
their parents for. my parents think that
after the whole thing they can give me a hug
and everything is back to normal. but as much
as it seems that im agreeing, im not. the hurt
lingers and increases thru time. they never
realise it. thats why i woulnt blame someone
for running away from home, for sliting their
wrists or jumping off a building to their death.
the saddess thing is that they only become
aware of the hurt they are causing AFTER a
tragedy. well , its all their fault. they tell us to
be aware of our surroundings, dont be so blur,
well as far as i know, they're the ones with the
foggy glasses. they are the ones that are
completely unaware of what is going on . i am
going to read this blog all over again when i am
a parent n make sure i never do any of this.
i am not gonna make my kids lives miserable.
i have a feeling that my generation will make
much better parents because we'll look back at
all the hurt we had to bear n swear we'll never
do it. parents have got to just WAKE UP. n they
better, n fast. i was going to talk about happy
things but i'll leave that for tmr.they ruined my day.




Thursday, February 01, 2007

26 days. there r stupid fugged up losers
in this world that have no hearts watsoever,
that r making ppl feel bad by accusing them
of things. which are not even true. why she
is suffering like this under all that lies is
beyond me. she's never done anything to make
anyone hate her. injustice is unbelievably
obvious here. its really hurting her. i cant
believe that there r ppl in this world that r
just so heartless.

seaweed
_____________________ bubbles

treasure
_____________________
bloody fucking liar

mermaid
_____________________
just an adolescent,
rebelling against the
'good guys'
victoria hannah goh
051093
libra
mcsian
1E
2B
3D
4E
5A
6A
crescentian
1g2
2g2
creznpcadet
lance corporal

shells
_____________________
a new leotard
a black leotard
new pointe shoes
a pair of heels
a pair of wedges
a polka-dot skirt
a black skirt
a new denim skirt
clothes!
more coloured bras
new phone
lose 5kg
get good grades
pass cprl promo
pass ALL promos
pass piano theory exam
pass piano exam
pass ballet exam
new alarm clock
earrings
a pair of slippers

merpeople
_____________________
tessa
geraldine
ashley
casandra
annie
valencia
squadblog

Many Thanks
_____________________
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Picture from: Google
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watery whispers
_____________________
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footprints in the sand
_____________________
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