beyond the horizon

Saturday, December 30, 2006

how do u teach someone how to be an
elder sister. especially if she's so
reluctant but alrd five yrs into doing
the job? the hatred between her and
her younger sister is mutual . but her
younger sister hates her less .
thru the years , the hatred grows, as
does frustration. neither are willing to
try to mend this as being the first to try
to be nice.perhaps her younger sister
does try to make an effort sometimes
but being only 5 yrs old, there is not
much that she can do. the girl i am tokin
abt is MY sister . vanessa. nicole is the
youngest. vanessa is a very strong-willed,
stubborn, un-adaptable n only-listen-to-
herself kind of girl. she's been lyk that since
forever. she n nicole are 2 very different
ppl. n me not being around much at all,
'forces' them to rely on each other for
company. but, if often ends up with more
quarrels n more bottled up anger. i want
them to get along asap also bcos my mum
is getting very VERY stressed out with
them fighting, n she doesnt deserve it. i've
almost given up on vanessa. nicole listens to
me, bcos i've made her feel comfortable n
happy to have me. n simple affection is all
she needs to be ur gd fren. vanessa cant
understand this, no matter how hard i try,
it never gets thru. her short temper does
me no justice. i dunno wat to do alrd. i cant
leave it. if i do, they'll be 80 n still quarrelling
n i'll be lyk , y didnt i do sth? i gtg. nicole's
bugging me to play with her.

the emerald ocean
11:53:00 AM

Friday, December 29, 2006

i am possibly the worst person in the world.
again,wrapped up in my own pathetic life
n feeling sorry for myself n believing that
i've got the worst life . i have seriously lost
it. someone that i was so close to was much
worst off n i never knew. im not gonna kid
myself that im innocent by saying 'hu knew
anyway?' point is , i am guilty . bcos i am
a self-pitying oblivious pathetic creep.
i knew i changed. i just thot i changed to sth
better. but no. it sucks. wat i am now. it just
sucks.

what do u do when u hate urself more than
anyone else does u?

the emerald ocean
3:55:00 PM

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

i realised that i'm too caught up in
my own damn world to notice wat
whizzes past. its lyk i'm totally
oblivious to everything else.
everyone else. i just read a blog
post of someone i noe n it totally
shocked me. i've known her all my
life, n i always thot she was pretty,
my idol maybe n that hasnt
changed,its wat she thinks of herself
i never imagined she wud think that,
i never knew her inside thots,on the
outside she was just pretty,athletic,
smart, eg. it was lyk woah. i mean
she's not gonna get anorexic or
anything, but i never knew. n i
never tried to noe her better or
anything, i really cant think that i noe
wats inside by looking at the outside
there might be so much that im missing,
feelings,thots . whatever. its just scary
how if everyone actually thot the
opposite of wat i did? then i'd be leading
a useless, clueless life? im so stupid.
i gotta practice noticing things, it cud
really help with understanding everything.

an urgently needed accomplishment.

the emerald ocean
10:33:00 PM

Monday, December 25, 2006

u noe u make me so confused ,
u said its over lyk its the end
u'd never acknowledge my presence again.
but then ytd u smiled at me ,
u even laughed with me,
den u seem to get all shy,
avoiding me , hide away
i was watching R.H.G n u
were watching over her. cos
she crawled under the table
n u didnt want her to get hurt.
u looked over at me .
u saw me watchin. n turned away.
i wasnt watchin u u noe
i was watchin her.
b4 that when i just arrived,
when i walked into the room.
im sure that u noe i had come
but u didnt even turn.
well hu cares , not lyk i was expecting it.
i alrd knew how u'd react.
u were the one that ended it
thot i shd be the one hidin away.
thot it shd all go back to normal.
lyk nth happened
that be the best.
but the difference was obvious,
hello,it wud be noticed.
i shd be the hurt,shy,embarrassed one
but im not u see.
cos it aint worth it to me.

im hopeless at letting go.

*note:this is NOT a poem.

the emerald ocean
12:35:00 PM

Sunday, December 24, 2006

its CHRISTMAS EVE !!!!
n im so so so bored.
nth to do till tonite.
haais...
my o2jam lvl 14 alrd.
heh.
but liana still beat me .
i bet she's alrd lvl 19 or 20 or sth .
heh. ordo got me shoes !
ty for the millionth time.
it was lyk 8500 gems n he still bought.
now he gonna get me giutar !
omg, even more ex.
lyk 50 000gems?
haiyoh.
eh ordo if u want anything must tell me k?
or else i feel damn guilty lah.
must get u sth in return.
heh...
im tokin to myself.
haais.
oh well.
got one sick guy on o2. the convo was lyk:
[demonseige]you r cute
[THEvickii]right
[demonseige]hehe
[demonseige]yr bra
[THEvickii]siao
[demonseige]u shld wear nothin
[THEvickii]go die
i was THEvickii
n i was wearin clothes ok.
wth. haiyoh.
den i left lah. so sick .
when i was there n other ppl came in
he kick them lor. so only me.
haiyoh. gd that its virtual.
haais.
i go play o2 now. bb

the emerald ocean
4:51:00 PM

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

i very lazy to blog abt ROD .
haais.
it'll be boring anyway.
go read liana's.
got crazy abt o2jam again.
im lvl 11 now n just got the mission.
ahh...its killing me.
complete lvl 7 song wiv 70% cool.
omg.
so hard lah.
i think i played i love dance lyk a million
times n still cannot.
anyone one wanna help? heh.
so tired.
my eyes hurt lah.
i must complete b4 christmas i must !!!!!!!!
considering i sneak play .
so yea.hmm.
i ask the pro hu says im his lucky charm to help me.
yea
.haha
i sound crazy.
i love kan kan n fly magpie !!
heh.
dunno wat to write alrd.
nvm.i go now.

the emerald ocean
10:15:00 PM

Saturday, December 16, 2006

today,i got the nicest christmas card ever
well more of a christmas letter.(thank you
annie !!)i dont have time to write back so
i'll blog. hopefully u'll read it. well i just
wanna let u noe that in the whole clique ur
the one thats most lyk me. n pls dont feel
guilty abt the cheating thing . i kinda
started last yr so yeah. i was just at the
wrong place at the wrong time. no fault of
urs ok? n i feel comforted that there's
someone i can depend on. thanks . i'll never
forget the letter. its the first of its kind in
my hands...

the emerald ocean
11:54:00 PM

Monday, December 11, 2006

went wild wild wet again today!
wiv tessa n my sisters n my mum.
it was a blast. i love the wave pool !!
my favourite. we were lyk piggybacking
each other, me , tes n nes in the shiok
river. oh yeah ther was this act cool
guy. so damn funny. it was lyk, i was
standing at one side n tes was at the other
then we happened to look towards each
other n den suddenly this guy came n
stand in between us den he try to act cool,
he wanted to put his hand on the railing
but he accidentally put on one of those
water spout things n all the water
sprayed in his face ! he walked away
totally maluated. den i walked over to tes
n she said, did u see that act cool guy?
den we totally started laughing lyk maniacs
.it was totally fun.it was the best. we were
there 4 lyk, 4 hrs? den we had lunch. den
tes came back to our place. she helped me
play my audi. n den i played o2jam wiv
jeremy n i lvled !!! i completed the mission !
finally.haais.so happy(: yay yay.i think
i'll go play o2 now.

the emerald ocean
11:07:00 PM

Friday, December 08, 2006

i stole this quiz from limby's blog.

name the first 13 frens that come into yr mind...(gabe is so not my fren)
1.geraldine
2.annie
3.casandra
4.andrea
5.valencia
6.tessa
7.syahirah
8.shu xian
9.kana
10.hazirah
11.eileen
12.jeremy
13.nicole

questions:

how did u meet number 10 ?
npcc.

wat wud u do if u never met number 1?
i'd be jealous of those that did.

wat if number 6 & 2 dated ?
er hello? they're not les.

have u seen number 4 cry?
yup.

do u think number 10 is cute?
yes but im not les.

will u ever date number 12?
maybe. it depends...

wats 7's fav colour?
err...i dunno

wat if 6 confesses that he/she loves u?
err.she's my cousin.so not likely

state a fact abt 9.
she's super funny n directer for our ROD performance.

hu is number 4 goin out wiv?
u shud have asked earlier. no one right now.

hu is number 5 to u ?
fren lah. wat else?

will u ever live with 13?
er.i do alrd.she's my sister.

is number 2 single?
yup.i think

wat do u think of number 8?
a bit siao,for the squad ah mah.

wat do u hate abt number 11?
nth.

wats ur fave memory with 6?
her birthday this yr.when we went wild wild wet
tgt n stayed over at raffles town club.

the emerald ocean
6:01:00 PM

Sunday, December 03, 2006

yes,this girl is still sad and angry
but not as bad now. i dont mull(?)
over things anyway. at least sth
has diverted my attention.i got a
GUITAR !!! a super nice red and
black acoustic. well im sharing wiv
my sis but she's not ready to start
learning yet. my dad alrd thot me
5 chords. C, D, G, E min n A min.
yay. im gonna make sure i can
play for christmas. yay yay .

hah.let HIM see wat he's missing...

the emerald ocean
10:36:00 PM