beyond the horizon

2007-05-07T18:35:00.000+08:00

i'm thinking of abandoning this.
just thinking.

go find me at
http://emeraldhorizon.wordpress.com

2007-04-11T20:01:00.000+08:00

fucking hell...
MID-YEARS

2007-04-10T21:35:00.000+08:00

get the fucking hell out of my life.

shit.

victoria, stop it.
pull yourself together,
don't think about _____ anymore.
its not good.
don't do it.

(don't bother counting the underscores, they're random)

2007-04-10T21:02:00.000+08:00

i don't know what to do anymore.
what to say,what to think.
who am i? in your mind?
am i just another girl?
i'll breakdown if thats what i am
cos all this time i told myself,
i can't get into it,
i can't let myself get hurt.
but now that i think i can trust you.
you'll break my heart if you say
i'm just another one.

i'm not a stupid old-fashioned girl,
i don't fall for your every sweet word,
i'm suspicious at everything you say,
cos i can't get hurt, not again,
i watch for a trick,
i wait for the kill,
i make sure i'm comfortable
before i trust you,
so don't betray my trust,
its a valuable thing to hold,
please don't make me cry,

sometimes i worry,
that maybe, just maybe,
you'll get so angry that you'll leave me,
cos i wouldn't be able to bear it,
i'd just cry where ever i am,
i want you to hold me forever,
tightly in your arms,
but how would i know,
you might just wanna go,
and i won't ever get you back...

its just my thoughts, paragraphed.
forgive the sloppiness.

2007-04-09T22:05:00.000+08:00

seperation anxiety.

nevermind about that.
anyway.
i'm pretty lost.
i think blogging makes me emo.
yes,
it does.
brings out the inner feelings
that are unnecessary,
makes me think of the past.
i'm starting a story.
gotta see where its going,
it might actually have some depth.
anyway,
i might post it here.
when its done.
which is,
maybe never.
anyway,
i'm super sleepy.
and guess what.
my dad bought me my own printer
and scanner! i love my dad. this is
way more freedom.
happiness,
haha.
i got a headache.
stupid mass run.
i hate mass run.
i dun wanna run.
ugh
i'm totally crapping can?
ugh. gtg

2007-04-08T23:34:00.000+08:00

kiss this girl goodbye,
sing her a lullaby,
cos this is the last time,
you'll ever see her...

when tomorrow comes,
there's just the empty bed,
she'll be gone so far,
you'll never get her back,
she won't be all alone,
cos someone else is missing too.
both of them have gone away,
to a land that only they can find...

you will be crying,
that she has left you there,
but its your own fault,
she held on so long,
she knew she couldn't wait anymore.
so she left,
her shadow swept the doorway,
she was running down the path,
so silent that no one awoke,
you tried to find her,
but it was too late,
she was gone to a place,
where she can forget you...

but she knows she can never get away,
as long as you long for her,
the memory will stay,
she's trying to fight it,
she may be back someday,
she knows she belongs there,
she knows its for the best,
so let her go.
stop longing for her,
let her be happy away from you,
let her go.

she's crying,
she knows you aren't letting go.
she's crying,
she's all confused,
she's crying and she'll never stop,
til she comes back to you,
but she's strong,
she knows she should never come back,
stop making her more confused,
let her go,
it is time,
let the past be the past,
don't try to make her come back,
let her be happy there,
let her go...

once again.i wrote this

2007-04-08T21:06:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder if x has a secret life
that no one knows abt. of if x is secretly
in love with someone. thats just siao. but
one cant help but be curious. anyway,
onto happy things, i got my haircut today!
yay. i've been wanting to do that. it looks
better now. and and and. i ordered a new
pair of specs ! green frameless. i've never
had green. so i thot i'll try it. my
astigmatism went up. the whole thing plus
lens cos $270. wah. freaking ex. my astig
is over the shop's usual range alrd. left is
275, right 250. thats super scary ok.
singapore only gets specs uptil 400. im only
sec 2! omg. they have to special order lor.
so i can only get it in 7-10 days time. i got
a new pair of slippers. my black ones broke
after mass. anyway. today was an ok day.
one of the better sundays.

oh yeah, saturday was suppose to be the
preview for NPDP but it rained like siao.
thunder n lightning and everything. haha
but it was so so so nice. we got to put our
stuff in the classrooms. gold unit flag bearers
were in classroom 39 =D haha. there's only
seven girls out of thirty six of us ok, omg.
we got to have our meal in the mess hall!
its considered special. cos we got tables and
chairs. n cheese n potato wedges! and drinks!
not just water. it was so fun. n i got to wear
number 1 quite alot. i got the NPDP polo tee!
its nice. n its so sad cos i can only wear it for
NPDP trainings, den it'll be left to rot. cos all
my squadmates don't have it so we cant like
all wear it for camp or what. dunno what i'll
do with it. anyway.straight after training, i
went back on mrt. rushed home. bathed,
changed, den walked to the yeow's place.
joined in BBQ. wah. i was damn tired. anyway,
this thursday is unit stand down ! yay. omg.
so needing the break. but, if im lucky,(ha)
they might just decide to have extra NPDP
training on that day. if they do, i will scream.
ok. i gtg finish my maths n learn ting xie.
haiyoh.

sth's fishy

2007-04-06T18:07:00.001+08:00

my horoscope is pissing me off.

2007-04-05T23:05:00.000+08:00

i wanna scream and shout
cry it out.
let it all go.

2007-04-05T22:58:00.000+08:00

fucking hell.
life sucks.
wah lao.
preview on saturday,
freaking nervous.

go away.

2007-04-05T00:04:00.000+08:00

some of the quotes from shakesphere's
'the merchant of venice'
which i had to memorise and perform
this afternoon.

"all but one seem as gamblers,
who seek only the status a rich prize may bring,
how may i know,
that he who chooses rightly the casket,
loves me and not my name and wealth."

"to a colt he may seem such, perhaps
now quit thy capering,
and bring the good man forth."

"would thou have me as a meal to be consumed,
O prince?
take care, lest i cause thee indigestion."

"and to thy desserts,
i shall have a lifetime in estimation,
for you hast chosen truly and i am yours.
not simply by my father's decree,
but willingly do i marry thee.
upon the same rack lay i beside thee,
whilst you chose,
and now our marriage bed promises sweet repose,
come and bear the weighty news to the household."

2007-04-04T23:52:00.000+08:00

people. we need a 6a'05 reunion.
a real one. where at least 90% of the
ppl come. i miss you guys so much man.
i wanna see how much everyone has
changed. and everyone can see how
much I'VE changed. quite alot actually.
since mcs days. the hair, the specs, the
piercings...n blah blah blah. i'm different.
i think. naughtier. more daring maybe.
considering i hardly dared to do anything
back then. i didn't even dare to take bus
by myself. i'm way more independent now.
and keeping a boyfriend a secret from
parents is especially hard cos i talk so
much. and i'm much tanner. i've grown a
little taller. yeah. there should be more,
but i'm going through the transitional
stage. still trying out whats best for me.
and i'm pretty happy now. except that
i have a 4 day overdue haircut. i should
cut my hair every 1 1/2 months so it'll
be nice and layered and in shape all the
time. now its a little longer and thicker
than i'd like it to be. anyway. hoping i can
get it done on saturday. i gtg now. sleep
is calling.

sometimes a breather is good,
my phone bills don't suffer so much.

2007-04-04T20:40:00.000+08:00

no offence to anyone,
but i think six years being shut up in a girls school
really deprives people of exposure.
i mean, i know quite a few 6a'05 ppl that
have gotten boyfriends since leaving mcs.
me too. anyway. i don't think i'm making
sense but i mean its like, secondary school
really releases a whole much more freedom
into your life. well, on to other things. i'm stuck
to my immortal by evanescence.
the lyrics are beautiful. i dun really know
what to blog about.sometimes i wish
the real NPDP would come faster.
cos i'm freaking tired. tmr is maundy thursday
n we have to go visit churches n i have training
so i have to rush like siao to go home n bathe n
change first den go out. wah lao. i'll be like a zombie
lah, so tired.i can go out on sunday ! omg,
so happy, haha. aiyoh. dunno what to say,
i'll be back later maybe

2007-04-03T00:18:00.000+08:00

i am too obvious.
oh man.
i think too many ppl know.
ahhh !!!!

2007-04-02T22:23:00.000+08:00

my mum said.
love is unconditional.
well.
i'll take that as reference,
he came and met me at school.
n took bus back with me.
but we were so late.
both kena parents scolding.
aiyoh.
but it was fun.
i love being loved.
haha.
thats just weird.
anyway.
i gotta say.
i made the most teen-like decision.
n im proud of it.
haha.
thats just siao.
anyway,
i dont feel like blogging.
i wanna sleep.

baby, we're just so fine.

2007-04-01T12:59:00.000+08:00

that was a moment of randomness.
anyway. i love simultaneous linear
equations, except, i'm not so good at
them. haha. do you that when they
say life is a rollar coaster ride, it never
ends? until you die. i mean, in real rides
you get off after a while. and you know
it'll end pretty quick. but in the "ride
of your life" you can't get off? omg.
considering you don't get into accidents,
get murdered, or commit suicide, you'll
be on a rollar coaster for 70-90 years!
omg. someone please tell me that thats
overdose. cos it is. roller coasters are
so crazy. don't you get a chance to
settle down? oh man. ugh. now i'm
really going mad! i'm arguing against
a figure of speech. who in the world
does that ?!?! ugh.

2 weeks, 5 days.
day counts have started again.

a spoon of caring,
a drop of understanding,
a sprinkle of unselfishness,
a dash of kindness.

with a touch of communication,
this cup of LOVE is best served warm.

2007-04-01T12:54:00.000+08:00

"gd nite my sweetypie,
my cutypie my pineapple pie
my dearest pie my chio pie
my adorable pie talented pie
and many mur ... sweetest
dreamsssss... muacks love
you 4ever!!!!!!"

yes its an sms that i received.
someone please tell me thats
just crazy. =D

2007-03-31T20:42:00.000+08:00

woah man,
i finally got to wear my number 1!
haha. woke up at normal school time,
reached queenstown by 7.
haha.you know, when we got to HTA,
we were the only ones in number 1!
omg. everyone gotta ear 1/2 u !
OMG. SO EVIL LAH. anyway, luckily
i brought belt ! ma'ams didn't *sigh*
i did the full thing today lor. for the
first time. ugh. so screwed up can?
i'm really sad for the CIs, we're not
an easy bunch to teach, n they work
so hard, yet that sir go scold them
like shit. like wth can? he was
talking about manners n HELLO ?
he should go watch his own mouth
he doesn't have the right to scold
ppl with vulgarities. wah lao. so
frustrated. ugh. anyway, someone
fainted ok. i saw some red cross
ppl run towards one of the contingents,
n its the proper red cross, not students.
i saw them carry one of the supporting
contingent cadets away on a stretcher
and the ambulance left. omg. i think
he/she went to hospital. aiyoh. the
henderson guys crazy can? haha.
anyway, i love the number one ! its
so pretty. haha. i am dead tired.
oh man. haha. i have been a bad girl.
muahahaha.

his darling baby =D

2007-03-29T21:18:00.000+08:00

shit.
i'm really lost now.
i dunno what to do.
i'm worried about two things,
very impt things.
shit. i dunno what to do.
i'm really well, pissed off and worried.
shit. there's a good chance geraldine's
right. but i'm really hoping she isnt.
i'm really hoping.
this shouldn't be making my life worse.
shit. i need a counsellor that won't
tell me to stop seeing him.
shit lah. that doesn't exist.
i dunno what to do man.
shit lah.
who's gonna give the answer i want?

2007-03-28T21:45:00.000+08:00

i know. i sound like a stupid girl,
thats all lovey or whatever,
but thats ur problem if you think
that. i'm happy. i've got someone
that loves me. and thats all i need
right now. especially happiness.
do you know how long its been
since i was really happy? im happy
now. and thats all thats important.
i think there are many people
whom i owe thanks to.
ashley>for brightening up my life,
and making me smile. hey girlfriend,
we must always keep in touch no
matter what k? thank you.
geraldine>all through these 3 years
and 3 months (will be four) it is you,
i know best. without you, i'd probably
be in a very different state. i wouldnt
be the way i am in sec school. thank you.
annie>for showing me, that sometimes,
being bad is fun.thank you.
govin>for making me happy, for bringing
the smile back to me at night. thank you.

i'm not done. but thats all i can do today

what more could a girl ask for?

2007-03-27T20:06:00.000+08:00

brains don't make a man.
i gotta say that. really.
cos some of the smartest guys,
bring their dates out and split
the cost on everything. and they're
grown men, with salary. stupid.
whereas, a teen,not the smartest,
pays for everything on a date.
i'm serious. well, i have officially
broken one of the most impt rules
of my mum. the dating rule. according
to her, i'm not suppose to date till i'm
21, cos APPARENTLY, any guy younger
than that can't bring u to a nice
restaurant on a date. who said it was
about where you go? what you eat? thats
just one of the things and it isn't even
important. you could sit in a food court and
talk and that beats any prim and proper
restaurant. i think the most important
thing is his personality and sincerity.
so far, when i think about the factors for
the 'perfect' boyfriend, govin comes the
closest. considerate, kind, not afraid to talk
about anything, funny, hot(haha), and well,
he cares about ewhat i feel about things and
he makes me smile, he may be in normal acad,
and he may be buddhist but, i said right?
brains don't make a man, and religion should
not be a problem. and this is just a teenage
relationship. i never said anything about
getting married, ha. so why be so serious,
of course, meeting up could be difficult, and
could mean many more lies, but hey, anything
for my happiness. anyway, he came and met
me at about 4. we ate at the food court den we
went up to buy tickets for the messengers,
haha. the movie was scary. but i get freaked out
about everything anyway. i shall not write the
next part. cos it sounds weird when i type it.
ask me if you wanna know. and no, he did not
kiss me. cos thats just crazy for a first date.
anyway. i'm happy. so be happy for me, yah?

who knew it was you.

2007-03-26T22:18:00.000+08:00

i watched music and lyrics with casandra
just now. i was a really good show. =D
im gonna watch the messengers with
govin tmr. =D no more seperation
anxiety . haha. he got another phone.
cos he lost his. haha. life is pretty
interesting now, though im not
suppose to say most of it. oh well.
unit stand down. so happy. but i hate
it that i have to miss learning fest.
stupid NPDP training. sometimes,
i hate it. ugh. anyway. i wanna sleep
early,or i'll have dark rings. ew. ugh.
i love weekends u know. i like saturday
nights n sundays. anyway. going for
confession finally on wed. i shall wear,
my pink top, black skirt, black wedges.
and, er, pink hoop earrings. yay. i
memorise my wardrobe so i can plan
my outfits when i'm bored. *pause* no
one said i was NORMAL. haha. anyway,
i gtg now, bye bye faithful readers, no
matter how few...

you've brought me out of that state,
you've helped me to the next stage,
of forgetting that f-ed up bastard,
but still my my mind lingers,
once in a while,
so don't let me go...

2007-03-26T00:03:00.000+08:00

Just another teen

I’m just living the way I want,
I’m just having all the fun,
I bet I’m happier than you,
Don’t you wish you were me too?

Ha. I wish that’s the way my life was
But it’s all just a dream cos,

[Chorus]
I’m just like any other teen,
Wishing for the freedom of life,
I’m no different from you,
We’re all the same,
I might get a bigger allowance,
But who said money was life?
Cos we’re all in this together,
Don’t you see I’m going through,
Everything you do.
So come on,

Anything good that happens never lasts,
Just an hour on and its all in the past,
We’re all stressed out about on thing or another,
Don’t know if I can keep living much longer.

[Chorus]

Suicide seems like the best way out,
All they say makes you wanna shout,
“I wanna die!” get me out of here,
I know you’ll miss me dear.

[Chorus]

All these songs I write,
I wanna get them sung,
A dream I have,
Hope the chance will come,
It’s just a little wish,
Surely that’s alright?
I have dreams like any other teen.

[Chorus]

I’m just like any other teen,
Can’t you see? Don’t you understand?
Shit, just stop this childish game,
We’re all the same,
We face all the same problems everyday
Stop being angry with me,
All these problems just aren’t my fault
Go blame the adults, its all them
Oh come on, come on,
You know it.

i wrote this. pro or noob? your choice

2007-03-25T23:08:00.000+08:00

today i break out from my emo self.
i havent been happier in a long time.
i managed to get a top from ebase,
n a polka dot skirt, pink tank top n
shorts! from m)phosis. i love that place.
so cool. damn happy, n i found out sth,
that totally made my day. =D i saw
someone staring at me on saturday,
thought it was pretty weird. n i was
laughing too much to think about it
properly anyway. but now that i do,
it strikes me as odd and impossible,
oh well, maybe i was hallucinating,
haha. but i think i was being stared at.
anyway. its quite funny, flattering if
it was really true. haha. my dear lost
his handphone, so i'm suffering from
seperation anxiety-cannot sms, haha.
haiyoh. how to plan dates? i dunno.
he not often online lor. somemore this
week i super free. oh i'll figure it out.
anyway, life is nice now, i think. going
for confession on wed, wah, i'll be there
for hours man. jk. i can't but i do have
alot to confess. thats not good, but hey,
im a teen right? haha. 14 this year, yay.
7mnths to go. haha.anyway. its getting
late. it is late. gtg.

2007-03-24T17:57:00.000+08:00

shit. i screwed up corporal.
ugh, don't wanna talk about it.

------------------lovelove-------------lovelove
---------------lovelovelove---------lovelovelove
------------lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
---------lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
-------lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
-------lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
---------lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
-----------lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
-------------lovelovelovelovelovelovelveolove
----------------lovelovelovelovelovelovelove
------------------lovelovelovelovelovelove
---------------------lovelovelovelovelove
-----------------------lovelovelovelove
--------------------------lovelovelove
----------------------------lovelove
------------------------------love

pure boredom.
life is scaring me.
things are happening.
and they confuse me.
i dunno what to make out of it.
its freaky.
and strange.
and well, not possible.
no that it really makes me unhappy.
but just strange.
well.
i might probably NOT find out.
so happy guessing for me.

2007-03-23T22:47:00.000+08:00

i realised that no matter how tiring NPDP
is, i still love it. i love it the same as ballet
class, where you're surrounded by people
that all share a common interest, a common
goal, thats to pass ballet exams and enjoy it.
in NPDP, i am surrounded by nothing but
ma'ams, sirs and more ma'ams n sirs, but
we all share a common interest, NP and a
common goal, to get NPDP right. its a great
feeling when you know you can't be left out,
and everyone is just as tired as you are.
at the end, we sit and joke with the area 14
ppl with whatever energy we have left. its
amazing to see all the flag bearers, GOH and
contingents all together. its just amazing when
you hear that one solid bang, and you see a few
hundred legs doing hentak kaki in unison. its
just 'wow'. im serious.i can't help but bypass all
the hardships and be happy to have taken up
the offer. i am happy. tmr is promo, i'll be
polishing my boots in a while. and i'll just hope
for the best.

2007-03-22T21:56:00.000+08:00

i wrote this song this afternoon,

Just

Just the kiss that’ll make me push everything away,
Just the one that’ll stop time and never let it go,
Just the one that I’m looking for all this while,
Jus the one I’m still searching for.

Just the love of a guy that I could never ask for,
Just how much he gives me I could never believe,
Just the little things he says that make me laugh,
Just his words that make me smile.

It’s just everything he does,
That I never knew could be real,
But I see it now,
And everything is just too good to be true.

Just the girl that’s writing this,
Just the girl that’s loving him,
Just the girl that could never ask for more,
Just the girl that’s wishing it’ll never end.

Just our simple little story,
Just those few years back that we first met,
Just the courage you gathered to ask me,
Just the good times that we had.

We’re just wanting it to last forever,
All the memories we’ll hold together,
All we did for each other,
It’s just the love we share.

Will you hold me close forever?
Will be just us forever?
Will you be mine forever?
Will we just be the best?

Let’s just forget the world,
Let’s just concentrate on us,
Cos you know it’s just what we want,
So let’s just keep loving each other,

Let’s just…

yup.thats it. i'm not talking abt myself k.
its just random.and i gotta try and make
the tune for it. then it'll be complete.

2007-03-21T23:00:00.000+08:00

shut out, all the troubles let it go,
drop all your work, go for a show,
i need to live a little,
but life's so not agreeable,
so i'm stuck here.
dreading my fate so clear.

ugh, my poetry is getting suckier.
shit lah.
i need to do sth.
i dunno what,
but i gotta.
ugh.
i wanna die alrd.
but now's not the time to get suicidal
i gotta sleep on this,
shit lah.

the love of a guy,
i could never ask.
he's gives me enough to last.
forever.

2007-03-19T23:38:00.000+08:00

wth.
there was an article on EMO TEENS
in the home page today.
wth lah.
its so totally crapped up lah.
like hello?
only way to describe emo accurately
is to have a TEEN write the article.
its so stupid lah.
they're just trying to act like they're
in control .and they understand
everything.
but hello. emo is a FEELING.
omg. they're being ridiculous.
you know, all the books that teach
adults how to understand their
teens, are written by ADULTS.
they all say, try to look from the
teen's point of view, but guess what,
it doesn't work. cos, how would an
adult know anything? you gotta
have it written by a teen man,
or parents will forever be clueless.
so stupid. they think they know it
but they've hardly done anything.
its just so crapped up.
ugh. stupid.
teens are allowed to be strange,
so stop trying to understand it.

life isn't easy as a TEEN

2007-03-18T21:56:00.000+08:00

i blogged 4 times ytd.
omg.
i'm siao alrd.
can't believe geraldine n elgyn
r gonna follow me on tuesday.
omg lah.
i think that'll make me super nervous.
ahhh.
die.
how leh.
i dunno what to do lah.
shit. shit.
i wanna die lah.
n y my hits go up but no tag?
ugh.
freaking frustrated.
shit lah.
i wanna die liao.
seriously.
ugh.

someone save me.
my life is hitting rock bottom.

2007-03-17T23:43:00.000+08:00

the darkness of night,
the thoughts brought to light.
my mind whirls,
the world swirls,
i run out the door,
i hit the floor,
22 storeys down.

the warm trickle,
of the dark liquid down my wrist,
i stare transfixed,
mesmerised,
my own blood.
time seems to stop,
but it passes faster even.
my head feels light,
i hit the floor,
its over, i'm out.

i gotta stop doing this,
shit. i'm mentally killing myself.

2007-03-17T23:38:00.000+08:00

i need to destroy sth.
or cry,
or scream.
n i dun even know y.
shit.
damn lah.
freaking idiot.
y do i always have to be
involved with a 'g' person.
omg.
fuck lah.
i dunno what to do.
im all messed up.
shit.
i dunno what im doing anymore.
maybe its better if i died.

are all teens suicidal?

2007-03-17T23:14:00.000+08:00

next tuesday.
woah.
get ready,
get set,
DIE.
man,
i dun wanna sound
like a wimp or anything,
but,
im FREAKING NERVOUS.
duh.
ah, i need moral support
but sth's telling me,
i'll be ok on my own.
trust my instincts,
n guess what?
i dun even know what my
instincts are saying.
oh man.
someone HELP?
ah.
i'm gonna die.

help this girl.

2007-03-17T11:18:00.000+08:00

i think i'm going crazy.
am i going crazy?
i think i am.
ugh.

2007-03-16T18:00:00.000+08:00

i think. my piano exam sucked,
i dun wanna talk about it.
ugh.
my life is really messed up now.
ugh.
i dunno what to think.
i dunno what to do.
i dunno.
i dunno.
i dunno.
n i hate tuition.
it sucks like hell.
i hate it.
me n tuition just don't click.
really.
n if i could just do a double pirouette tonight.
it would make my day.
totally.
im so crazy that im blogging three times a day.

~~i know that we can never be.~~
~~but shit, you're freaking hot.~~

2007-03-16T12:48:00.000+08:00

what girl in this world,
wants to get married at thirteen?
all that you say to me,
sounds like you're all grown up.
but i'm not stupid to believe that crap.
what boy of 15 can promise all that?
you say you love me,
but how would you know,
bet you can't even explain it to me.
you wanna know why i never say i love you?
cos i don't know what it is,
and i never wanna give you the wrong idea
cos i'm not as crazy abt you as you think.
no. i'm not,
and i probably will never be,
sorry if you really love me that much,
cos you'll end up getting hurt.
you'll probably will hate me forever,
but what do you expect?
us to get married?
if you do,
you're crazy.
you'd best be getting out of my life.

2007-03-16T12:23:00.000+08:00

piano exam later.
ha.
anyway.
i dunno what im doing.
i broke my new year's resolution
die lah.
kept it up for 2 1/2 mths?
ha.
whatever lah.
feel like a wreck.
its like,
so stupid can?
ugh.
my life is all fucked up

what have i done

2007-03-16T00:05:00.000+08:00

its out in the open.
well, sorta.
im still confused ok?
still.
i gotta have more time.

shit. what have i done?

2007-03-14T21:18:00.000+08:00

happy.
sad.
confused.
stressed.
put it together.
you get.
ME
cos thats what i am.
happy sad and confused are related.
stressed is a different thing.
since, blogs are open for anyone to read,
i shall not blog about a certain sth.
ha,
anyway.
this year,
might just get more eventful than last yr.
which, can't be good.
i will be placed in a difficult situation,
which i won't be able to handle.
thats just a feeling.
but, i guess i can minimise the impact,
by basically not being stupid.
but,
if it hits me bad,
i'll probably, err. get suicidal again.
ugh.
save me someone.
im drowning.

love huh?
what is it anyway.

2007-03-14T10:36:00.000+08:00

i am a princess. ha

2007-03-13T23:14:00.000+08:00

i actually thought.
i couldn't get anymore confused.
well, here i am.
so dazed i can't even think properly.
i'm 13.
n a 14 yr old,
confesses to me like we're gonna get married.
damn freaky.
and no.
i'm not answering any questions.
i am freaked.

its not that easy,
you can say what you want,
but how would i know ,
you could have said it to
the other girls too.
i'm not stupid you know

2007-03-13T19:47:00.000+08:00

sth big big big just happened to me.
but its my secret. n it'll stay that way.
i'm quite er...shocked by it? but anyway.
too bad if you wanna know. cos i'm not
saying anything. ha.

i'll skip the forgiving,
cos you know i can't
n i'll just forget

2007-03-13T15:22:00.001+08:00

omg. camp was like.
so slack compared to last year.
i mean , well, i wasn't around on the first day
so maybe i don't know. but my squadmates
who were around all said it was slacker
so i guess it is.it was like. i go by days lah.
easier.
10 march,saturday
i woke up at 8 am?
ya. around there.
den i was like. eat breakfast. blah blah blah.
den i got my stuff. den i went for theory exam.
wah. this super small girl sitting beside me.
maybe abt pri 1, pri 2? taking same paper as me !
omg. grade 5 lor. anyway. i finished abt 11.15am?
den me n geraldine we went to eat at macs! haha.
den we chiong take mrt to cgs. den when we got there,
we were walking behind mdm lim! haha, so funny.
den when we got there,
dey were just getting ready to go for the hike. so
we ran up to the hall dump our stuff grab water bottles
n fall in. i was in grp 4 ! COCOPUFF! haha. so cute.
altho. it wouldnt be my first choice haha.ok . so we walk
walk walk walk walk...to mt. faber. so near can? anyway.
we play play play alot of games, eat stuff, den walk down
frm mt. faber n take BUS BACK! omg. so shuang. haha.
when we got back, we prepared for our campfire
performance. haha. liana was the BIMBO! haha. jessica
ma'am train her, haha. ya. n we had dinner, wash up, blah
blah blah. den campfire !!!! haha. so fun. haha. i love all the
cheers man. n the games so cool. haha.so fun.
wah den kena scold like ku-ku, jiat ru ma'am, jie en ma'am
cynthia ma'am all so super angry.omg omg omg !!!!! casandra
just told me that she saw "something" during sentry duty!
omg. n the sec 1s also say! ahhh!!!!!! omg. so scared. anyway.
we went for night run around school ok! omg. bcos some
cadets keep falling asleep. omg.n my eyes were open so
damn big can? ugh. den finally. we went to sleep. we had
squadtalk for a while, n i cried. haais.den i sleep,so shuang
cos no sentry duty.
11 march,sunday
wake up, have pt. it was ok lah,
lucky no need to run to tiong like last year.
we went for archery course! haha.my archery not so good lor.
aiming always off.haha. anyway. it was fun. n i got a nice tan !
=D haha. we went back, had lunch. den have telematch n
treasure hunt. haha. den area clean up. we had to clean the
toilets. i had a few sec1s following me. can't rmb who. so i lead
them around. clean clean den have to clean again cos ma'ams
not satisfied. den me n ah ma help jie en ma'am and li ling
ma'am clean zinc plates. =D haha. den we get our stuff.
wah den zakiah ma'am freaking angry lor.pump us 65 for
ppl that fell out and abandoned water bottles.oh well..
den prize presentation, cocopuff got most united group !
haha. gui mei ma'am is nice. =D anyway. ya. so that was camp.
it was fun lah.
but maybe the sec1s think different differently about np now?
maybe. i don't wanna talk about squadtalk. it was so emotional.
anyway. camp was. alright. can't believe, our squad will be
the ones organising it next year.

2007-03-11T22:11:00.000+08:00

call me crazy or whatever.
cos hey ppl, i'm back from camp.
i'll blog in detail tmr.
cos i'm having a really bad headache.
ugh. there is a problem with the sec 1s.
n we,
sec 2 squad '07 ,
has got a problem too.
ugh.
i don't wanna think about it.
life without this year's sec 4 ma'ams is
gonna be difficult.
cos like they said, we r so not role models.
n i agree.
totally.
maybe we're bonded.
but we're still not role models.
i'm falling asleep alrd.
till tmr.

at least, im not crying about you.

2007-03-09T23:33:00.000+08:00

hey ppl.
won't be around for about two days.
i'm going for unit camp.
probably will blog on monday.
or sunday, if i'm not too tired.
theory exam tmr.
wish me luck !
but i think i'll be ok.
=D
NPDP training was tiring.
i think my arm is gonna break.
anyway.
sec 3 ma'ams are nice =D
haha. i have a crescent flag with me !
muahahahaha,
so fun,
haha.
anyway. i gtg sleep now.
i CANNOT fall asleep during theory.
i will totally MALU myself.
ugh.

a heart that burns
passion stirrs

2007-03-08T22:54:00.000+08:00

when i don't see you i'm happy,
and sad.
when i DO see you i'm happy,
and sad.
you
make
me
THIS
confused.
and the "funny" thing is,
you don't even know it.
cos who was hurt?
ME.
well, if you're hurting too,
you brought it upon yourself.
it doesn't have to be this way.
but.
you.
you spoilt it.
~~fucking~~ bastard
4 months.
thats how long i've been hurting.
you wouldn't believe it if i told you.
ha.
how i wish you would read all this.
maybe you do?
well. good then.
but i know you aren't. so
WHATEVER.
oh yah.
stop looking at me.
you're freaking the hell out of me.
stop it ok.
you make me fucking confused.
more than i alrd am.
so quit it.
i don't need shit like that to make my life worse.
just leave me be.
i know you'll never make me happy anyway.
so you might as well stop trying to be nice
or whatever.
cos you're just devastating me.
surely you could spare me that.
you know i can never hate you.
you know it.

fucking CT.

2007-03-07T20:08:00.000+08:00

emo.
thats all you can use to describe me.
fuck lah.
sometimes i wish i wasn't in NP.
jeremy sumpter rocks.
and.
i love youtube.
its what keeps me sane.

shit.
you know what i am without you
you know how bad you hurt me
you know how much you made me miss you
you know how much _ ____ ___.

2007-03-05T22:35:00.001+08:00

fuck.
go away.
leave me alone.
stop it.
stop looking at me.
stop messing me up.
i'm trying to recover.
you just keep opening my wound.
fuck. stop it.
you know i can't let you go.
stop rubbing it in.
you're destroying me.
fuck. please.
just this once.
please.
don't make me any more sad.
please.

2007-03-05T22:00:00.000+08:00

i don't read fanfics !
i write them !
ive only got two chapters in.
though ive written much more.
i decided to allow comments influence
what happens next,
well a little bit anyway
here's the link.
http://winglin.net/fanfic/creznpcadet
i may be a bit shitty. but oh well.
first story wat.
ok ok.
bye bye. go read n comment ya?

2007-03-04T22:28:00.000+08:00

shit shit shit.
ive had enough.
y are you messing me up.
there were no more signs
i thot it was over
then,
you had to start it again.
you think its funny?
you think its a game?
you're killing me.
fuck.

2007-03-03T18:08:00.000+08:00

shit shit shit.
my horoscope today?
"You're holding on to some grudges --
and they're holding you back. Let them go."
wth wth wth wth.
i can't help but believe astrology you know?
ugh
shit shit shit.
how can it be so accurate.
ugh.
shit shit shit.
it sucks.

~~i DON'T wanna let go~~

2007-03-03T10:36:00.000+08:00

ytd was fun fun again,
i fell asleep in the bus cos i was like super tired
n i had chocolate milk for lunch.
imagine doing hentak for 3 hrs straight,
plus ur right arm is holding a flagpole steady
with ur arm parallel to the ground.
what does that feel like? you wanna die.
i was gonna die. n now my arm muscles,
thigh muscles n stomach muscles hurt like siao.
it was so super tiring lor. dear squadmates,
normal np sessions are nothing. wait till you
go for NPDP next year, den you'll vouch for
what i've said. i think ma'ams couldnt get me
to do drills anyway, cos they're doing baton n
rifle drills, which i've obviously havent learnt.
oh well.anyway. it was hell of a session. but as
usual, sec 3 ma'ams all very nice. n sec 4 ma'ams
also. all very nice. haha. i got the form for the new
zealand ballet study tour ! omg. ive been wanting
to go since forever! but my freaking parents
have a problem with it . ugh, n i wanna go japan
also ! how how. i really wanna go for both. but
obviously cant right. ahhhh!!!!!! help. i dunno
what to do now, i choice to go for two different
overseas trips, at two very different places, for
two very different reasons and with very different
people. how?ugh. damn lah. jeremy used that
idiot's phone to call me ytd. it was a missed call
but still. both of them r idiots now. ugh. i had
a weird dream last night, sth along the lines of
cat class ppl, geraldine and fried rice. oh well
nvm. i spend alot of time during NPDP trainings
eavesdropping haha. so i know that we're getting
our new unit tee next week ! yay ! i think im not
going for camp. oh i dunno. gotta think. i gtg.
got homework to finish, might blog again later.

~~dying~~
dying
dead

2007-03-01T22:22:00.000+08:00

~~fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck~~
everything just sucks. i cant .
i cant. i cant. i wanna cry.
i wanna cut myself. i wanna
get out of school.
i wanna die.
~~fuck~~

2007-03-01T13:21:00.000+08:00

~~Hold me in your arms,~~
tell me all the things I want to hear.
whisper my wishes,
keep me safe and warm,
kiss me gently,
tell me I’ll be ok,
reassure me,
run your fingers through my hair,
hug me tight,
sing to me softly,
lull me into my much needed beauty sleep,
wash away my sadness,
let me feel ok,
let me have a peaceful sleep,
talk to me,
don’t make me cry,
don’t make me cry.

2007-02-28T18:28:00.000+08:00

ragged breath,
moonlight on my palms,
blood tears on my stained cheeks,
wet hair dripping down my back.

my mind whirling,
my heart ablaze,
my voice a whisper,
my eyes flutter.

fatigue that kills,
exhaustion lethal,
sadness that burns,
a long peaceful sleep.

i fall,
and drift to the unknown,
wash my sadness away,
unbearable pain be gone.

the memory lasts,
your words they pierce,
i will be scarred,
and you don't care.

blood tears they flow,
they will not stop,
the sadness remains,
as blood tears flow.

~~it is you alone,~~
yet you alone did this,
why?

2007-02-27T21:56:00.000+08:00

blood tears fall,
with raindrops they mix,
slide down my face.

sorrow that scars,
scar my heart,
the pain everlasting.

your footsteps fade,
and my heart aches,
i call your name,

still there is only,
the soft patter of raindrops
and blood tears that fall to my feet.

~~darling, it is you alone~~

2007-02-27T21:55:00.000+08:00

today we had that dance in cirriculum thingy.
its so fun! n cute! way nicer than playing
recorder or singing the school song. haha.
change of mood now. feeling emo.
ugh.

2007-02-26T11:45:00.000+08:00

you know what. these are my teachers.
-the maniac-a nice one
-the random one
-the sadist
im serious

2007-02-26T11:26:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling strange right now.
what do you do when someone ruins your life,
then seems to want to make it up to you
but doesnt seem sure how he/she is to do it?
den you, the victim, are faced with uncertain
signs and is left to figure it out.
thats exactly what im feeling. weird right?
ugh.
man.
what do i do now.
i need to sort it out.
but how if i'm wrong?
major maluation.
ugh. i guess i'll just leave it for the moment.
until its clearer.
ohhh mann...

~~i know i can't have you but don't act like i don't exist.~~
i can't bear the silence, talk to me,please.
i need you.

2007-02-25T19:40:00.000+08:00

you know what.
i just love you guys.

2007-02-24T12:40:00.000+08:00

woah. ytd was COOL.
i was kinda freaked out at first but the ma'ams all so nice.
at about 1.15 i just ended class den wu shuang ma'am
came to get me.so i went to canteen n eat lunch n den
we all walked to queenstown sec. there was 12 of us.
wu shuang ma'am,kelly ma'am,melissa ma'am,
mun ting ma'am,hanisah ma'am,danusha ma'am,
sowjanya ma'am,jesslyn(sp?) ma'am,pearlyn(sp?) ma'am,
jia ying ma'am,cynthia ma'am n me.i felt so small you know.
at queenstown we all chiong change into half-u den fall in at
foyer, den we wait wait wait for bus. so long lor. on the
bus, i sat with mun ting ma'am. n cynthia ma'am sit in front
of us with jia ying ma'am. den she keep asking me if i'm
bored. they all think i'm bored but i wasn't lor. den they say
the journey very long n i can sleep if i want to. so i sleep,
den cynthia ma'am suddenly call me. n ask me if i was alright.
den i was like.'err...ya' den she say that every week one sec3
ma'am must look after me den she can see who can be medic.
i wasn't even sick. haha. den reach alrd. wahhh. the HTA is
SOOOO big.so. im reserve flag bearer right so they tell me
to follow hanisah ma'am cos she's flag bearer.den we take
attendence den take flag pole n the flagsash or sth. the pouch
that you wear to put the flag pole in. den they teach us
sedia n senangdiri with the flag pole n three other commands
which i can't rmb what they're called. haha. den we stand there
so long that after that i couldn't walk properly. den we had
break n they gave us 'rations' which was SO much. the milo taste
funny. i wasn't really hungry. anyway. den it started to rain like
siao. so we went into the tunnel to practice. n got all wet cos we had
to run there n there wasn't shelter. den at 6pm. we were released.
only me,cynthia ma'am,jia ying ma'am,mun ting ma'am n kelly ma'am
were going back to queenstown, the other ma'ams were going back
straight from there. so on the bus back. we sat at the back. n i was
sitting beside cynthia ma'am (haha zh), den dey all say i no need
to be so formal during this kinda thing. n i can talk as much as i want.
cynthia ma'am is crazy. she started singing lor. haha. sec 3 ma'ams
all very nice also. cynthia ma'am say i must tell edlyn ma'am that
she look after me very well. haha. it was fun lor. all the ppl in flag party
SO tall. so freaky lor. especially the guys. i felt like a midget. n im
kinda happy lor. there was this guy that thought i was sec 3 n i couldnt
correct him cos he turned away n he was like ' aiyah. can't be sec 2 lor.
sec 2 sure die one.' i wanted to laugh. too bad lor. i wont die. but its like
everyone around me is either sir or ma'am. haha. scary.no one other
than cgs knows i'm sec 2 . so its alright. haha. i can't wait for next week !

2007-02-22T19:21:00.000+08:00

im in love with this song.
no significance to me but i just like it.

Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
(panic! at the disco)

Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close

So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?
(Let's pick up, pick up)

Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.
I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.
Now let's not get selfish
Did you really think I’d let you kill this chorus?

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster I

've got more win, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat And hold a lover close
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster

oh well. nothing much to blog.
i'm just happy that i'm doing much better in school
this year than last year.
and and. that japan thing, my parents allow me to go !
if i can do the project well enough, im all clear !
omg. SO happy. i really wanna go.
its like. JAPAN. 6 days, 5 nights.
no parents . and ms vicky is chaperoning!
thats even better. she actually made me like english again.
i really wanna go. n hopefully at least one of
the cliquees will be going.
oh man.
gotta work like siao.
i have officially broken my new year's resolution.
well...it lasted 2 months!
ugh. i need dinner

2007-02-20T12:36:00.000+08:00

CNY is OVER !

last day of the holidays =(

chionging homework. haha.

these r some of the pics.

there r more but i look horrible .

my mum's side

vanessa n me

my dad's side

me and tes

rebecca! i took this =D

nothing much to blog really.

i gotta do my homework man.

ugh.

my new year's resolution is getting weak

im starting to get 'distracted'

what to do?

i am a GIRL.

a teenage one for that matter.

as long as im not obsessed or anything

i'll be alright.

who am i kidding?

2007-02-14T20:53:00.000+08:00

hey hey !
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY !!
its all about...

lovelove lovelove
lovelovelove lovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelovelove
lovelovelovelove
lovelovelove
lovelove

and...

thank you thank you
thank you thank thank you thank
thank you thank you thank you thank you
thank you thank you thank you thank you
thank you thank you thank you thank
thank you thank you thank you thank
thank you thank you thank you
thank you thank you thank
thank you thank you
thank you thank
thank you
thank

to all the ppl that brightened up my day
with presents !

2007-02-14T00:35:00.000+08:00

nothing to blog.

39 days.

corporal promo-39
p.t.-25
p.p.-31

2093-2106=14

2007-02-12T20:16:00.000+08:00

38 days.

i heard that teachers are checking our blogs.
well...i don't bitch about anything in school
so they cant fault me for anything can they?
oh well. i did have quite a bit to blog about
but since its all about school i better not.
n its all good stuff ! but i dont know what
they consider bad. ugh. till im clearer...nth
about school. ugh. makes blogging so boring.
well. i cut my hair on saturday. i know what
you're thinking. 'what? again?' haha. i was
becoming yucky looking. n i bought a new top !
super nice purple one ! yeah. i'm extremely
sleepy.i was just reading back on all my posts
n realised how much i've changed in a year.
i like the change. im more confident, strret-wise?
not the 'cutie-pie' i used to be in pri school.
i think i shall go back to MCS on friday. n ga-jiao
all my old teachers. haha. oh well. what to blog
about? i dunno lah. i'll go now.

corporal promo-40 days
piano theory exam-26 days
piano practical exam-32 days

2065-2093= 30 hits today.

2007-02-11T22:41:00.000+08:00

37 days.

cross country on tuesday!
yours truely is NOT taking part .
yup. damn ankle.
baking cookies for valentine's day presents!
shh...not telling what kind !
you just better be hoping you are one of the
lucky few to have the privilege of getting one!
LOL. jkjk.
quite a few on mine n cas's list anyway.
yeah. we're sharing.
haha.
i guess it'll be a while till i spend valentine's day
with a GUY ! haha.
(andrea if ur lucky, i might give u a kiss)
ugh no way.
if you think im serious uv got no brains whatsoever
anyway.
i just finished a compo with a very strange topic.
well my choice of person isn't very normal anyway.
oh nvm . it just sounds like a bunch of cheem word
cramped tgt.
omg. just read zh nick.
41 days to corporal promo !
omg. looks like i have to do lots of manual day counts.

corporal promo-41 days
piano theory exam-27 days
piano practical exam-33 days

2038-2064=27 hits today.

2007-02-11T00:19:00.001+08:00

36 days.

i need sleep.
badly.

2024-2037=13 hits.

2007-02-09T23:35:00.000+08:00

35 days.

walking,
welcoming,
wandering,
weeping.

why.
i want an answer.
NOW.

2005-2023=18 hits

2007-02-09T00:44:00.001+08:00

my 100th post!!!!!
haha and and and .
this girl here,
me me me,
is OFFICIALLY a
LANCE COPORAL !!!
and , bcos of my ankle,
my parents have forbidden
me to run cross country,
pls do not say:
ever heard of 'be careful of
what you wish for?'
do not say that to me. i know
it too well.

2007-02-06T23:32:00.000+08:00

[1]
catapult me to the great unknown,
happy, finally all on my own.
till that happens i'll be stuck here,
yes i know its sad my dear.
the choice isnt mine,
let the chooser be kind.
release me to where i'm meant to be.
all on my own, just me.
[2]
it felt so wrong ,
a nightmare so strong.
it was too nice inside the dream,
but me out here just wanted to scream.
what made that dream seem so real,
understanding it i fail.
a month has passed,
the memory lasts.
oh that dreaded dream.

31 days.a poem to commemorate the
one month anniversary of me being able
to remember and keep up the day count
of a dream for the first time.

2007-02-06T00:16:00.000+08:00

i am this close to commiting suicide.

2007-02-05T23:41:00.000+08:00

30 days...haais...pointless? no i dont think
so...well anyway...to sum things up...i cant
rmb alot. this will be super short anyway. im
too tired to blog long.
ok. 3 things:
1.crescent np is a GOLD UNIT ! yay.
2.master parade is on thursday !!!!
3.paul twohill was on the 132.

well the third one isnt impt but its just a
cheap thrill. he looks freakingly scary.
i gtg.told u it was short

2007-02-03T19:39:00.000+08:00

28 days.sometimes i dread going to
gramma's hse bcos SOMEONE will have
to make my life miserable. my dad.
interrogating me about wat im doing. not
trusting me, scolding me as we get there
or as we leave. it doesnt matter. it just
hurts. wat parents dont realise is that
everytime they scold us , its the hurt we
feel that makes the greatest impact. they
always say its for our own good. it may be
but wat good can come out of hurt. they
dont know how angry we become, how
sad at the things they say. how harsh
they come across. how much more we
hate them after every scolding, how much
higher our urge to run away becomes.
how we become suicidal. how much they
hurt us. its us thats left there bearing the
weight of their 'comments'. they bear no
hurt, feel nothing from at they said. its us
that bear it all with increasing fury.
sometimes children when grown up cannot
be blamed for leaving their parents alone.
its the hurt they felt that they cannot forgive
their parents for. my parents think that
after the whole thing they can give me a hug
and everything is back to normal. but as much
as it seems that im agreeing, im not. the hurt
lingers and increases thru time. they never
realise it. thats why i woulnt blame someone
for running away from home, for sliting their
wrists or jumping off a building to their death.
the saddess thing is that they only become
aware of the hurt they are causing AFTER a
tragedy. well , its all their fault. they tell us to
be aware of our surroundings, dont be so blur,
well as far as i know, they're the ones with the
foggy glasses. they are the ones that are
completely unaware of what is going on . i am
going to read this blog all over again when i am
a parent n make sure i never do any of this.
i am not gonna make my kids lives miserable.
i have a feeling that my generation will make
much better parents because we'll look back at
all the hurt we had to bear n swear we'll never
do it. parents have got to just WAKE UP. n they
better, n fast. i was going to talk about happy
things but i'll leave that for tmr.they ruined my day.

2007-02-01T11:19:00.000+08:00

26 days. there r stupid fugged up losers
in this world that have no hearts watsoever,
that r making ppl feel bad by accusing them
of things. which are not even true. why she
is suffering like this under all that lies is
beyond me. she's never done anything to make
anyone hate her. injustice is unbelievably
obvious here. its really hurting her. i cant
believe that there r ppl in this world that r
just so heartless.

2007-01-31T22:06:00.000+08:00

25 days...todays the last day of january !
n tammy's birthday! happy birthday tammy!
sweet sixteen ! haha. she probably wont
read this but nvm. i'll make it a point to wish
everyone that i know. :D its fun. wow. long
time till the next one. still. it doesnt matter.
today , i am slacking. i think i need motivational
help. cos seriously i dont feel the drive to
study. wat now. i dunno what to do . the past
has just been brought up n tho i am one to
move on almost immediately, it hurts. not
as much, but it hurts. i m so wounded that
i cant go for ballet this friday. im kinda sad
about that. its like my escape. i fit comfortably
there where everyone has that common interest
, ballet. no one saying ballet sucks n things like
that. n i have dear michelle *laughs* there.
too bad she's not going on friday either, she's
also wounded. crystal will have to cope
without us ! haha. everyone who is not in my
ballet class is basically supposed to have no
idea what im saying right now. anyway. my
knee wound is oozing pus. my wrist doesnt
seem to be healing. so i gtg back on friday to
check it again. exactly TWO weeks to
valentines day ! im gonna but balloons like
last year.i shall make it my tradition. hmm.
im just thinking. ive gotten stuff on V day
b4, but never from a guy ! haha. funny. oh
well. i will live for many more years. i'll get
my chance. im suppose to give up guys this
year. as in dont crush on anyone. i have kept
it up for 31 days so far. thats good ok. it wont
last. i know it. but im doing good now. its ok.
i wanna dance. but too bad im injured. oh
well. im so accident prone. i better be more
careful. ive got so many injuries alrd. my
body would become a bag of weak bones.
anyway. ive gotta go. my body has really not
enough sleep. maybe i should email the MOE.
i could propose better schedules that enable
enough sleep. i know im not the only one
falling asleep at school. maybe i will. more
updates...tmr.

2007-01-30T00:27:00.000+08:00

Isolation

24 days. quite alot happened today...
but its really late so i'll make it quick.
i fell down during pt today :(. my right
knee has this raw patch now and my
right palm is scratched pretty bad.so
now i am fully wounded. hah. no mass
run, no armpower and no pe for me tmr.
wow. thats alot to miss. n i have to make
up mass run !!!!! ahhh. i dont like. i never
done it. but im seriously not in any
condition to run, even walking is painful.
oh yeah...i spent 2 1/2 hrs doing my maths
hw...den just as i finished, i realised that
there wasnt maths tmr. but i it was good
that i did it today...bcos with my hectic
schedule i wud have forgotten it and had
to blahblahblahblah. so not what im
aiming for. anyway...im so much more
confident about my algebra than last year.
last year my algebra was just crap. n this
year, im actually starting to geddit. my
cousin told me that algebra is really impt
so i have to work hard to perfect it. my
hand is stinging as i type this but oh well...
its ok...ive become tougher i think. well i
was never really a fan of 'display your
emotions' i mostly keep my feelings hidden
unless i want ppl to be aware of it. which
isnt often. i got greeted for the first time !!
by limmin and samantha, haha, we seem to
see them alot, oh well i alrd recognise(sp?)
practically all of them...so, there's no escaping
! haha. well its ok. their sec 1s. we did the
avoiding thing too. so its ok. im not really
bothered . they r sec 1s after all. they can be
forgiven. so i shall be a nice ma'am haha.
sounds funny. victoria ma'am sounds funny.
weird. anyway. i gtg now .i typed this in 10
mins ! with an injured hand !!

2007-01-26T22:56:00.000+08:00

Vanity

20 days. sorry about the last post. it was
total crap. went to the sin seh today. n my
wrist is sprained so i wont be typing as much.
im not going for tmr's outing. i'll just be a
hinderence. there's homework i need to catch
up on anyway. its sounds so boring but i dont
have a choice do i? im being left at home tmr.
by myself. so i'll figure out wat i wanna do.
i'll probably play o2jam for a bit. do my maths.
blog. visit blogs. blast the music. practice piano.
i wanna cook lunch. i m that bored. anyway.
my parents r kinda pissed off. so its best that
i dont go . i probably wont be going anywhere
unless its secretly after school. other than that
i live a boring life. im kinda pissed off at the world
n myself n anyone that has a reason to make
me pissed. im stressed, frustrated, in need of
sth that i havent figured out yet. i noe its not
guys, i've given them up for this year at least.
it makes life easier, i dont waste time trying
to sort out my feelings. maybe i'll become a
lesbian...hah...lyk thats gonna happen. i am so
not being one. even if i did become one, i wouldnt
be the 'guy'. oh watever. why tok about sth that
wouldnt happened. its pointless. it seems like im
alays getting pissed off at everybody or im
pissing everybody off. i just need somebody who
will understand. tell me what i wanna hear.
god cant exactly help bcos all i need are straight
forward answers n god doesnt ever give straight
forward answers. so im alone in this world till i
find that someone. not boyfriend, good friend,
i have no eagerness to be with any guy at the
moment. it just hurts me, confuses me, basically
adds another problem to my alrd very
problematic life-(sorry to all guys, no offence).
what is that sth i need that i have no clue of.
where is it.
when will i find it
why dont i know what it is
who has/is it
how do i cope now?....

2007-01-26T22:23:00.000+08:00

20 days. life sucks so much that i wish
it was glass so i could smash it n be gone
forever.life sucks so much that being
dead would be the easy way out.life
sucks so much that i dont even noe why
i bother to exist.life is so unfair that i
wanna smash the people that make it
worst. life is so unfair that i dont even
noe why a word called 'fairness' exists.
life doesnt even make sense now. i
wish the world never evolved from
adam n eve, if it didnt , life would be
so much easier. there wouldnt be
terrorists,global warming,sars,bird flu,
plane crash,corruption,genetically
modifed food...it wud be simple.
seriously...nevermind no tpcs or
handphones, i wud have lived a better
life

2007-01-25T20:55:00.000+08:00

tiny kids...stupid wrist

19 days.woah...it'll be up to a month before
i even realise it. oh well...did road marshal
duty at the road safety park in east coast
today. there were SO many pri school kids
asking me questions at the same time. i even
booked a few for disobeying the rules. they're
all so tiny ! haha. n cute. so funny. they were
all looking at us with that 'wow...' face. haha.
it was fun . totally. n we got free coke later on !
n mentos n gummies from iffah ma'am and
edlyn ma'am. thank u ma'ams !!! haha. my
wrist still hurts. n my mum says i should be
excused from pumping n dips bcos i have a
history of a fractured wrist. i forgot again today
n i did the pumping. sheesh. didnt tell my mum.
she sure scold me. ow. anyway...today was
quite hectic anyway. i wonder if the sec 1's
ncos have told them that they need to greet
all their ma'ams yet. as in in school, not only
np. oh well. nevermind. im bored. i got a bit
of maths to do.. the algebra is kinda confusing,
. im asking much more
questions than i did last year anyway.
i changed my whole friendster profile. made
it look pretty scary. anyway. ahhh...tmr
have mass run. heh, when does maths remedial
start? i seriously cant remember. i m dead
tired. oh well gtg practice piano now.
sayonara...

2007-01-24T20:01:00.000+08:00

maths homework...a sprained wrist

18 days. how do i manage to blog everyday?
i just dont know.i just found out that my piano
theory exam is on the 10 march, n my practical
is 16 march ! someone pls tell me its not the
school holidays, there's unit camp ! ahhh!!! im
panicking. shit, n my parents r not helping.i
dunno wat so say. im feeling kinda pissed right
now. no one seems to noe the maths homework.
i neeeeeeed to do it. ms loo will kill me if i dont.
i am so dead, i dont feel like taking the piano
exam anymore. y did i even start learning? omg
this is so shit. i dont wanna do anything. it just
stresses me out n pisses me off. i dont need this
right now. i need things to be simple and calm.
not hectic and stressed. iam physically,mentally
whatever-ly exhausted. i think i sprained my right
wrist. shit.no pumping or dips then. i cant.i cant
even lift my tpc with my right hand. i cant put
pressure on it. it hurts like crazy. it just hurts man
.it better heel fast or i'll be typin out my homework-
with my left hand !i just found out the maths hw.
short post today. but sorry.homework takes
top priority.

2007-01-23T22:36:00.000+08:00

stories...barriers

17 days. damn. the crescent webbie
jammed half-way while i was blogging
so the whole thing closed. wth. nvm.
the thing is ive got an idea for a story. yes
i write stories.occasionally, but i do. i
think its quite a good idea. but i wont
say. its diary based. a diary of an american
girl migrating to singapore and coming
into our lives in crescent. of course cgs
is different in the story but the reality
is there.anyway.its not a fanfic so im not
putting it on winglin. its for my eyes n
my eyes only.hah. maybe...just maybe
if im really satisfied, few lucky ppl
yearning to read it may get to. its all crap
i seem to be crapping alot these days.
nvm. the thing is . im gonna try n finish
this story for once. ok. next subject. i
think i injured my wrist. the one that was
weakened from the fracture. it kinda
hurts when i turn it. oh well...im so
accident prone anyway. found out sth
cool today during music lesson. our topic
today was ballet so obviously when ms
seow(sp?) asked who learned ballet my
name was mentioned. i found out that...
ms pamela was her teacher ! n ms pamela
is MY teacher now. thats so cool. ahhh.
gotta bring character shoes next tuesday.
show the class. maybe i bring my demi-pointes
also. cos she missed them out today.well,
i'll figure that out later. for now, i just think
thats cool. i did plies n grand-plies n valencia
did pirouettes. hers r way better than mine.
mine suck. haiyoh.gotta work like really hard
ahhhh. oh well. wat now...im blogging
practically everyday. oh yes.if any sec 1 NP
cadets read my blog (i noe u do) dont tag. if u
tag.i wont reply. ur not supposed to anyway.
so dont. im gonna write my story now.
..sayonara.

2007-01-22T22:39:00.000+08:00

16 days. anyone getting fed up with this?
cos im still freaked.soooo...too bad.anyway.
going on the learning journey thingy tmr...
probably very boring. oh well...no choice...
bring digi cam ! ahh. ok. road marshal thingy
on thursday ! get to leave class at 12.30 ! yay !
full uni! haha. i wanna get new unit tee soon.
mine is soooo small. its miniscule. anyway...
the new sec 1 np cadets came down for their
first session today! one girl is like...so omg
...she is disgustingly rude and disrespectful.
un-disciplined too. but nvm about the
discipline. discipline is NURTURED so its ok.
noworries about that. but she is just soooo
rude ! and she doesnt think its wrong.
obviously no one's ever told her she was wrong.
well she'd better learn. or she's just maluating
herself . but how if she's rude and un-disciplined
during her oath-taking? dui lian crescent. omg.
im not boasting but i noe we tried our best to
sit as still as possible throughout everything.
anyway. it was infuriating. ive just about
exhausted my descriptions . oh yea. geraldine
told me she and kana saw her carry a BENCH
and try to break thru the ma'ams using it to
shove her way thru. that just makes me say"
wth...omg...puke...vomit blood...who the hell
does she think she is???"im not the only one
that thinks this...well she'd better figure out
whats wrong...and fast...haha...we,sec 2 squad
'07 are officially MA'AMS !! edlyn ma'am and
iffah ma'am 'dubbed(sp?)' us today during
squad talk. with umbrellas !! haha. so fun.
my posts these days are like totally longer
than before and not so sad also. i think the
black clouds are clearing up. i see a tinge of
blue sky beyond the horizon. that was crap.
nvm. ahah! i shall try and rmb the sizing command:
1.yang tinggi ke kanan, rendah ke kiri, dalam
satu barisan, peras.
2.dari kanan angkat dua bilang.
3.nombor gangil satu langkah ke hadapan,
nombor genap satu langkah ke blakang, gerak
4.orang yang disebelah kanan diam, nombor
gangil ke kanan , nombor genap ke kiri,
barisan ke kanan dan ke kiri pusing.
5.jadikan dua/tigah barisan cepat jalan
yeah !!!! i got it. well ALMOST the whole thing !
haha.i think im crazy oh well. its ok.i gtg now.
parents are gonna scream. this is highly
SNEAKED WORK . ok . sayonara.hasta la vista.

2007-01-21T21:13:00.000+08:00

quizzes...4 inch wedges

15 days . i guess the effect is starting
to fade but its still creepy. anyway...my
chinese new yr outfit is on the way to
completion !!! i got a gorgeous pair of
black, 4 inch wedges today!! im totally
taller than my mum when i wear it. my
parents say the whole ensemble makes
me look about 18. haha. but i like it. its
different from my normal stuff. its more
interesting...no pink this yr !! last yr i
took on the girly, pink-and-white look.
this yr its red n black n dark. no so guai.
i think i like this yr's look way better. oh
well a quiz stolen from tammy's blog.
1)How old do you wish you were?
21
2) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
i have no idea
3) What do you do when vending machines steal your
money?
"wth...go die"
4) Do you consider yourself kind?
maybe
5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
shoulder,lower back
6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what
would it be?
french,spanish
7) Do you know your neighbours?
vaguely
8)What do you consider a vacation?
no stress.no worries
9) Do you follow your horoscope?
always
10) Would you move for the person you love?
like duh
11) Are you touchy feely?
huh?
12) Do you believe that opposites attract?
yup
13) Dream job?
kindergarten teacher?professional dancer?
14) Favourite tv channels?
disney channel,channel 5,nickelodeon
15) Favourite place to go on weekends?
home
16) Showers or baths?
baths
17) Do you paint your nails?
when there's no school...which is almost never
18) Do you trust people easily?
ya...
19) What are your phobias?
escalators(not jk)...ants n cockroaches
20) Do you want kids?
probably
21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
tried with no success
22) Where would you rather be now?
at a party(im bored)
23) Who makes you warm and fuzzy?
crushes! HAHA.
24) Heavy or light sleeper?
light...totally light
25) Are you paranoid?
yes.
26) Are you impatient?
yes
27) Who can you relate to?
friends...me
28) How do you feel about interracial couples?
exotic
30) What’s your pick-up line?
"wth"
31) What’s your main ringtone on your mobile?
i have no idea...its always on vibration
32) What were you doing at midnight last night?
on the com
33) What did the last text on your mobile say?
"lalala...i convo u on msn"
34) Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
mine lah.
35) What colour shirt are you wearing?
blue.n its pyjamas
36) Most recent movie you watched?
death note 2. kenichi matsuyama is CUTE.
37) Name three things you have on at all times.
handphone,wallet,mp3
39) How much cash do you have right now?
$1
40) What’s your favourite part of the chicken?
no preference
41) What’s your favourite town/city?
singapore
42) I can’t wait till:
i lose 5kg.
43) What did you have for dinner last night?
ajisen ramen
44) How tall are you barefoot?
1.6m
45) Do you own a gun?
nope.
46) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
milk...orange juice
47) Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
married.haha
48) Last thing you ate?
grapes.still eating it
49) What songs do you sing in the shower?
"beautiful soul"
50) Last thing that made you laugh?
the dance floor.
51) Worst injury you ever had?
fractured right wrist.
52) Does someone have a crush on you?
YES.
53) What’s your favourite candy?
jelly beans
54) What song do you want played at your funeral?
"the graduation song"
55) Eight people to do this?
-tessa
-casandra
-geraldine
-andrea
-annie
-valencia
-ashley
-you
the month you were born in...
January—– I kicked
February—– I loved
March—– I smoked
April—– I dry humped
May—– I choked on
June—– I murdered
July—– I did the Macarena with
August—– I had lunch with
September—– I danced with
October—– I sang to
November—– I yelled at
December—– I ran over
Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1——- a birdbath
2——- a monster
3——- a phone
4——- a fork
5——- a Mexican
6——- a gangster
7——- my cell phone
8——- my dog
9——- my best friends boyfriend
10—— my neighbor
11——- my science teacher
12——- a banana
13——- a fireman
14——- a stuffed animal
15——- a goat
16——- a pickle
17——- your mom
18——- a spoon
19——- myself
20——- a baseball bat
21——- a ninja
22—– a model
23——- a noodle
24——- a squirrel
25——- a football player
26——- my sister
27——- my brother
28——- an ipod
29—— a permanent marker
30——- a llama
31——- a homeless guy
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White——because I’m cool like that.
Black——-because that’s how I roll.
Pink——–because I’m NOT a homosexual
Red——–because the voices told me to do so
Blue——–because I’m sexy and I do what I want
Green—–because I hate myself.
Purple—–because I’m cool.
Gray——-because I was drunk.
Yellow—–because someone offered me1,000,000> dollars.
Orange—-because I hate my family.
Brown—–because I was high.
Other——because I’m a ninja.
None——-because I can’t control myself.

"i sang to a mexican because i'm sexy and i do what i want"
wth.

2007-01-20T22:28:00.000+08:00

14 days. i dont think of it so much
anymore but if i remember it , its
still creepy.ok...so what happened...
on friday decided not to go for house
party since i didnt need to. so went to
tiong with casandra, andrea n laura. we
at at MOS BURGER !!! i love it . so much
more than macs. haha. oh yeah the colours
that we chose for the outing is like GREEN
n PURPLE . sooo difficult to match. haiyoh.
n i DONT have ANYTHING purple at all.
dunno what to wear. oh well i'll figure it
out.today went shopping for a chinese new
year outfit. well not chiong sam(sp?) or
anything. i got black leggings, n this super
nice red top that goes over it. its kinda
long with a collar that goes over one
shoulder. n it has gathers at the bottom.
its really really nice. i'll take pics n put on
my friendster. n i WAS almost going to
get a pair of freakingly nice black wedge
heels but they didnt have anymore of my
size !! i wanted to scream.it was 79.90.
n my parents were AGREEING !!! ahhh.
wth. im gonna find another outlet n get it.
its GORGEOUS. if i cant, den ive gotta
find a really nice pair of red polka dot
heels/wedges.which was what i was
looking for in the first place. ive gotta get
nice pair of heels.im gonna die. my
parents want me to go for chinese tuition
classes again. those group ones. where
everyone has to 'converse'. n i hate
conversing in chinese to ppl other than
my frens n parents etc. cos my chinese
sux . n my parents just dont get it that
the classes arent gonna help me cos im
not good enough to keep up with all those
ppl that go to classes when they alrd
score straight As. usually majority are
like that. n bcos of that , the pace obviously
would be too fast for me n i'll just be
wasting time , week after week cos i'll have
no idea whats going on anyway. they say
i lack confidence, well the classes are just
going to pull it down more. i only liked
the classes last time cos the teacher was
super nice n i didnt need to say a word for
the whole lesson. n those classes get the
students to read newspaper articles, well,
i'd just be staring at it like its blank. cos i
seriously cant read chinese newspapers. i
tried. im seriously inadequate. i am NOT
going for those classes no matter what,
they cant make me. cos i can be defiant,
n stubborn. they noe it. n if they force me,
they'll regret it. i swear they will. im coping
what. n im trying harder in school. wth. i
didnt fail last yr. i dunno whats their
problem. it is SO a no-no. i cant deal with
anymore classes anyway. my schedule outside
school looks like this:
monday:
3.30-6.30:np
7.15-9:ballet
tuesday:
maths remedial.
wednesday:
4-5:piano
thursday:
3.30-6.30:np
friday:
7.15-9:ballet
saturday:
2.15-3.30:catechism
sunday:
3.30-4.45/6:piano theory.
see. not ONE free day.
i go straight from np to ballet ok.pt day
somemore.im gonna die. exam exam exam.
haais. i'll be suprised if i survive thru this
yr. well wish me luck:D cya.

polka dots...my cny outfit

2007-01-18T22:40:00.000+08:00

haha.im in a better mood today...well
MAYBE.12 days...still freaked.haais..
cant get it out of my head. oh well. mr
teo is funny. the other day during
science, he gave a rock to geraldine n
said that if she dented it , he'd treat her
to a free lunch. we all thot he was joking
of course. den...geraldine BROKE IT !!!
like a piece of the rock was dislodged!!
n mr teo was saying sth about being a
man of his word n he did wat he said
he would !! all geraldine needs to do is
tell him when she wants it den she can
order anything she likes from the canteen
n say MR TEO IS PAYING FOR IT. soooo
cool lah. haha. im so-so-so-so-SO happy
that i didnt get the panda virus.oh well...
what was i gonna say? i cant remember...
haha. i love tessa's eavesdropping skills.
dunno wat to blog about. ahh. gtg SHINE
MY BOOTS. i gotta try...well im paying
cas to do it for me. im PAYING WILLINGLY.
but still gotta try.road marshal duties at
the road safety park next week. get to leave
class early !! yay. especially cos its lit. soooo
boring. haha. first mass run of the year
starts tmr. first armpower too. plus there's
health check-up n hse party tmr. wahh
so busy. i wanna try n get home b4 going
for ballet. or else im gonna be ABSOLUTELY
EXHAUSTED. i think im gonna try n do
my NYAA asap. cos i can use ballet n piano
n ATC or unit camp. so i think it'll be ok.
common tests !! ahh...gotta study. my
standard form is ok,ALGEBRA!!!
(a+b)sqr=a sqr+2ab+b sqr
(a-b)sqr=a sqr-2ab+b sqr
(a+b)(a-b)=a sqr+b sqr
yay . i remembered. gd. i better keep
writing it down. or i'll forget. ahh... ... ... ...
NP today !! did sizing. wahh the command
damn long. i cant remember. but i can rmb
the movements.i would write it down, but
i really seriously dunno how to spell the
malay words . nvm. i'll learn. i get syahirah
to teach me. :)i think im going mad. i just
blogged about ALGEBRA. n u'll be like
saying, u just realised?? ok nvm. i think i
am mad anyway. so stressed.wah this post
longer. chinese new year is coming !! new
clothes !! i want that pair of heels !!!!!!!!!
im going crazy over it. i think i want that
most now. next is a new leotard, then new
pointe shoes, then a black leotard then blah
blah...everything else.i am SO random. n
then u'll say, u just realised ?? again. n then
i'll give u that that dark , wth look of mine.
haha. this is the longest post in a while. i
love reading blogs. i think im addicted. haha.
oh well nvm. i wanna have dreams tonite.
no dreams makes sleeping boring. at this
point u will look at me as if im an alien. oh
well.its ok. i dont mind being strange, i like
strange, strange=unique.(u will faint) i am
so random today. thats ok. i feel like dancing.
ahh forgot to try n break in my pointe shoes
. im supposed to try everyday. nows too late
to do.i am saving money. for wat? i dunno yet.
i'll figure it out later. i probably use a bit to
pay cas.her service is valuable ! i dunno wat
to say.ive exhausted everything that hapened
today. oh well , i'll be going then..

black leotards, algebra...

2007-01-17T18:12:00.000+08:00

11 days . yes . still freaked. n angry too
cos i posted sth really nice n long ytd n
when i wanted to publish it, blogger had
an ERROR !!! aahhhhh. so irritating.
anyway, i think this one will be pretty
long too. there's this 'panda' virus
spreading around school. casandra n
geraldine's tablets kena. it basically,
turns all your icons into pandas n disables
your anti-virus n some MS programs,
its really bad. the TA was so full that
geraldine gave up waiting, it was mostly
sec 2 girls. n it spread so fast lor. its
seriously scary. i scanned my TPC n it
found a TROJAN !! ahh. dunno wat to
do now. i cleaned it but it just quarrentined
the damn thing. im probably overreacting
but im allowed to in this case. i backed-up
all my important stuff alrd. my pics n
documents n stuff. so at least i wont/? lose
those if my TPC kena. i was like, PHEW...
when my com didnt get. its devastating.
sheesh.i hope they sort it out soon or i
wont dare to bring my TPC to school. i
really dont wanna get it .ahh. school just
started what...2 weeks ago n alrd have this
kind of thing. im not going online either.
cos apparently geraldine seems to be able
to switch on her TPC with the virus still
eating it up . so im not gonna risk getting
infected just to talk to ppl that i see
everyday. its ok. i can do without it.omg.
i want pointe shoes lah.i mean, i have lah.
but they arent pretty.ahhh....i fell asleep
half-way typing this. sheesh. im tired. like
really. exhasted whatever.this is a really
long post. i gtg now...

pointe shoes n a new leotard

2007-01-17T00:25:00.000+08:00

10 days. still freaked. welll maybe its
subsiding but it still freaks me. ahhh!!better
not tok about it. just makes me remember more.
i am in LOVE with pointe shoes!!! omg. they are
just sooo pretty. ive got my own. but they arent
very pretty cos they r ordinary. i wanna get those
ones from the US they shine n shine n shine until
you're practically blind.i havent been doing much
lately.i think ms pamela forgot. well...she better
start again. or there's no way i'll pass.im kinda
stressing about it. the EXAM.cos this one is TOUGH.
totally different from the other exams ive taken.
ahhh. imnot really stressing about piano or piano
theory. i dunno y. but im totally stressing about ballet.
im really getting stressed outnow. i CANNOT fail my
ballet. no way. im gonna cry if i fail. im gonna really focus
on my dance when i go to jc. right now. i have to split my
focus umm...5 different ways?y didnt i just stick to one.
there's no way im gonna quit ballet. not after all these
years.i wanna make it worth it. or else, wat have i been
doing for the past 8 years? it'll be all my 8 years of friday
nights thrown down the drain. im not gonna give up. i
feel like wearing my pointe shoes now. i think i will...ok im
wearing it. yay. i gtg. casandra isbugging me to finish the
presentation.

pointe shoes, a new leotard...

2007-01-15T21:49:00.000+08:00

9 days, still freaked.
im not gonna stop being freaked
unless i encounter a freakier one.
den i'll be freaked about that.
haais.anyway, today we had pt n
SUPRISINGLY, i felt super awake
altho we were running all the time.
less tired than other pts. i like,
enjoyed it, which is strange.my sis
is away at camp, n its kinda weird
without her ard. altho im away
most of the time. i don see her much,
but there's a difference.anyway.
hu's the weird anon person. irritating.
im like so bored. gonna fall asleep
alrd. today, i skipped recess. n i
didnt faint. i'll probably continue that.
i love coloured bras. but obviously
i dun wear to school lah. i wear go
out. haha.i want that pair of heels frm
U.R.S sth. omg . its soooo pretty. i
wanna wear it for chinese new year.
i want it !! my mum says get the outfit
first. den see if the shoes match den
she'll get it. i'll make it match !!! too
bad my mum dont allow me to wear
black during chinese new year.i
want new leotard !!!!! ahhh!!!!! n
pointe shoes. this year got exam, i
gotta get better pointe shoes. haais.
dunno wat to blog about...guess i'll end
here...

tears,pointe shoes, that pair of heels

2007-01-14T19:48:00.000+08:00

8 days. still freaked.
haais. the more i think about it. the more
freaked i get. oh well. changed my blog
URL n skin again. got bored of the other
one.CCA day was fun.but i think the sec 1s
were a bit scared of us. well nevermind.
its ok. everyone does that. i forgot what
i wanted to blog about. hmm. i think i'll
bring the cooling fan thingy for my tablet
to school.cos always so hot. then my hand
get burnt. haha.im sleepy. i have yet to
finish my english homework. oh well.
ahh. ms pamela wants to have coaching
classes on MONDAY nights ! means i'll
have to go straight after np. i'll be dead
exhausted. well no choice. i need new
leotards. the other one getting boring.
maybe i get green. cos i alrd have navy,
baby pink,lilac before. n i dont really like
blue. but green is a bit weird. nevermind,
i'll sort it out later. i've fallen in love with
coloured bras. haha. ok so random. anyway,
winglin got prob again. so frustrating. oh
well, gotta go. homework is calling.

two ponytails,chocolate milk

2007-01-11T23:35:00.001+08:00

5th day on, still freaked.

CCA day tmr. im not exactly excited.
well maybe i'm just tired.
im really gonna work hard this year.
especially chinese, maths, physics, yeah
tho i dont really wanna do physics next
yr, an overall good grade wud give me the
option of choosing and getting exactly
wat i want. thats y i did my CHINESE
hw. well i gotta get some help frm
casandra tmr morning. but hey im
trying. i got some questions n doubts
n im getting them cleared. lyk finally.
i actually managed to pass my chinese
without paying attention or studying or
doing hw last yr. amazing huh. so this
yr im aiming for a B4 at least. n thats with
paying attention, studying n doing hw. so
not impossible. also. im aiming to lose 5kg.
i hate my weight. it totally sux. maybe i
dont look fat. but i feel it. 5kg off wud feel
great.wats tight wud be loose. yay. maybe
training n doing cross country will help.
plus np. so its not impossible. just a slow
process. i learnt my ting xie also. yay, i
tested myself 4 times n got it all correct.
so i shud be fine. i gtg straight for
ballet after skool tmr. n thats kinda sucky.
dancing in t-shirt n shorts is not the best
experience.this is the longest post i've
posted in a while. just felt lyk tokin n
typing in pink. haais. i will continue
loving PINK no matter wat anyone says.
no. i will not sucuumbe (sp?) to peer
pressure.i tied 2 ponytails n skool today.
im gonna do it again tmr. its fun. exactly
the kind of 'i-dont-care-wat-u-think-im-
gonna-do-wat-i-want' thing that i lyk.
im subtlely hyper at the moment. i slept
on the bus on the way home today. i
felt all awake after that. ok i gtg. get my
beauty sleep.

gonna be a ma'am. gonna be a ma'am.

2007-01-10T19:59:00.000+08:00

omg i hate running.
but who has a choice?
BRING on THE CROSS COUNTRY
i WILL die half-way.i just KNOW it.

2007-01-10T17:39:00.000+08:00

i'm still freaked out abt that dream
n its been 4 days...haais...school is
kinda boring at the moment. nth
exciting . luckily CCA day is on friday
. that'll be fun. im addicted to fanfics,
thats not good. oh well, as long as i pay
attention in class n not get into trouble
i'll be fine. that was so random.ohh...
im dead bored.dunno wat to do. im
supposed to be writing an essay. but
i dunno how to write it. haais...dunno
wat to blog abt...so sian. dunno y im
even blogging. oh well...i just posted
sth on our wireless problem in mlg...
finally. haiyoh. im bored bored
BORED...

2007-01-06T10:46:00.000+08:00

last nite.i had the weirdest dream. i hate it.
its just so wrong. i dreamt i was a lesbian.
n i had a gf ok. im not saying hu but i clearly
knew hu it was. it was not andrea. someone
else. it totally freaked me. n u noe today is
cynthia ma'am's black belt grading? i dreamt
she died just as she reached there. the lesbian
dream kinda dissolved into that one. it
totally freaked me. it really did. the lesbian one
more. it was so wth lah.i wont go into details
cos its kinda sick . but it was SO WRONG.

2007-01-02T16:48:00.001+08:00

my new year's celebrations were the best.
it was lyk, in the middle of the afternoon ,
my dad got a call frm my uncle (his bro) n
he said that he got a room at the marina
mandarin with a great view of the fireworks.
n would we lyk to come? n of course we wanted
to go rite? yea so that nite, we were super lucky
n managed to get into marina square which
was said to have 150 000 ppl in there at that
time. so we had dinner n den up to the room !!
it was only my family n the timmy n rebecca grp,
the others didnt come. so sad. they totally missed
the best experience. it was a blast. i mean, we
were sooo near that everytime fireworks exploded
we felt the balcony shake. it was soo cool. i got alot
of photos n i'll upload them asap. it was sooo fun !!
it took us lyk 1hr to get home. n we were soo
exhausted. den the next day, (ytd) i went to watch
death note 2 !! i didnt even watch the first one but
this one was great. Ryuzaki/L. looks lyk yak ka ma'am
ya. total likeness. anyway. misa is super pretty n
ryuzaki is cute !! i dont like light's face. not nice.
this is lyk the first time that im actually crazy over
an asian actor. im not racist or anything. but i just
havent come across a really nice looking asian actor
lately. omg. ryuzaki ryuzaki.

2006-12-30T11:53:00.001+08:00

how do u teach someone how to be an
elder sister. especially if she's so
reluctant but alrd five yrs into doing
the job? the hatred between her and
her younger sister is mutual . but her
younger sister hates her less .
thru the years , the hatred grows, as
does frustration. neither are willing to
try to mend this as being the first to try
to be nice.perhaps her younger sister
does try to make an effort sometimes
but being only 5 yrs old, there is not
much that she can do. the girl i am tokin
abt is MY sister . vanessa. nicole is the
youngest. vanessa is a very strong-willed,
stubborn, un-adaptable n only-listen-to-
herself kind of girl. she's been lyk that since
forever. she n nicole are 2 very different
ppl. n me not being around much at all,
'forces' them to rely on each other for
company. but, if often ends up with more
quarrels n more bottled up anger. i want
them to get along asap also bcos my mum
is getting very VERY stressed out with
them fighting, n she doesnt deserve it. i've
almost given up on vanessa. nicole listens to
me, bcos i've made her feel comfortable n
happy to have me. n simple affection is all
she needs to be ur gd fren. vanessa cant
understand this, no matter how hard i try,
it never gets thru. her short temper does
me no justice. i dunno wat to do alrd. i cant
leave it. if i do, they'll be 80 n still quarrelling
n i'll be lyk , y didnt i do sth? i gtg. nicole's
bugging me to play with her.

2006-12-29T15:55:00.000+08:00

i am possibly the worst person in the world.
again,wrapped up in my own pathetic life
n feeling sorry for myself n believing that
i've got the worst life . i have seriously lost
it. someone that i was so close to was much
worst off n i never knew. im not gonna kid
myself that im innocent by saying 'hu knew
anyway?' point is , i am guilty . bcos i am
a self-pitying oblivious pathetic creep.
i knew i changed. i just thot i changed to sth
better. but no. it sucks. wat i am now. it just
sucks.

what do u do when u hate urself more than
anyone else does u?

2006-12-26T22:33:00.000+08:00

i realised that i'm too caught up in
my own damn world to notice wat
whizzes past. its lyk i'm totally
oblivious to everything else.
everyone else. i just read a blog
post of someone i noe n it totally
shocked me. i've known her all my
life, n i always thot she was pretty,
my idol maybe n that hasnt
changed,its wat she thinks of herself
i never imagined she wud think that,
i never knew her inside thots,on the
outside she was just pretty,athletic,
smart, eg. it was lyk woah. i mean
she's not gonna get anorexic or
anything, but i never knew. n i
never tried to noe her better or
anything, i really cant think that i noe
wats inside by looking at the outside
there might be so much that im missing,
feelings,thots . whatever. its just scary
how if everyone actually thot the
opposite of wat i did? then i'd be leading
a useless, clueless life? im so stupid.
i gotta practice noticing things, it cud
really help with understanding everything.

an urgently needed accomplishment.

2006-12-25T12:35:00.000+08:00

u noe u make me so confused ,
u said its over lyk its the end
u'd never acknowledge my presence again.
but then ytd u smiled at me ,
u even laughed with me,
den u seem to get all shy,
avoiding me , hide away
i was watching R.H.G n u
were watching over her. cos
she crawled under the table
n u didnt want her to get hurt.
u looked over at me .
u saw me watchin. n turned away.
i wasnt watchin u u noe
i was watchin her.
b4 that when i just arrived,
when i walked into the room.
im sure that u noe i had come
but u didnt even turn.
well hu cares , not lyk i was expecting it.
i alrd knew how u'd react.
u were the one that ended it
thot i shd be the one hidin away.
thot it shd all go back to normal.
lyk nth happened
that be the best.
but the difference was obvious,
hello,it wud be noticed.
i shd be the hurt,shy,embarrassed one
but im not u see.
cos it aint worth it to me.

im hopeless at letting go.

*note:this is NOT a poem.

2006-12-24T16:51:00.000+08:00

its CHRISTMAS EVE !!!!
n im so so so bored.
nth to do till tonite.
haais...
my o2jam lvl 14 alrd.
heh.
but liana still beat me .
i bet she's alrd lvl 19 or 20 or sth .
heh. ordo got me shoes !
ty for the millionth time.
it was lyk 8500 gems n he still bought.
now he gonna get me giutar !
omg, even more ex.
lyk 50 000gems?
haiyoh.
eh ordo if u want anything must tell me k?
or else i feel damn guilty lah.
must get u sth in return.
heh...
im tokin to myself.
haais.
oh well.
got one sick guy on o2. the convo was lyk:
[demonseige]you r cute
[THEvickii]right
[demonseige]hehe
[demonseige]yr bra
[THEvickii]siao
[demonseige]u shld wear nothin
[THEvickii]go die
i was THEvickii
n i was wearin clothes ok.
wth. haiyoh.
den i left lah. so sick .
when i was there n other ppl came in
he kick them lor. so only me.
haiyoh. gd that its virtual.
haais.
i go play o2 now. bb